Should I Stay?

Ever got the feeling that you don't belong to that one place? No matter how you like it and no matter how much your heart wish to stay; you can't (for a lot of reasonable and not so reasonable reasons)... You want to; with all your heart but you know you can't... What do you do if you're in that kinda situation? Will you let go? Can you ever let go? Will you stay? And can you stay without ever having the same doubts again? The biggest problem in my life; solve it and you hit the jackpot~~

In Bleach (Episode 160 I think), (warning: spoilers ahead!!!!) there's this one episode about Rukia and Kaien. Rukia was having doubt about where she should truly be.. She was worried about where she truly stand when she first entered 13th squad. Then she (Rukia) became close with her superior, Kaien and the thought escaped from her lips and he heard: Why am I even here? He started by asking what she thinks about heart. She showed her chest; where our heart is. But then he said that he thinks heart is found between two person. He said "When two person come in contact with each other; a heart is born for the first time. Heart is not inside our body. When we think of something, or care about someone, that is when our hearts are born. If you were the only person in the entire world. There's nothing to worry about. If you wish with all your heart to stay here, then your heart will remain here. If your heart is here, then that is the reason why you should be here."

Deep isn't it? His reply was so deep that it made me feel like it was the answer to the big question; he hit the jackpot (sorta). The big question: Do I truly belong here? If so why can't I truly feel happy from my heart? Why the doubts and worry about do I belong here crept into my heart from time to time? Those are Rukia's doubts and they were the same as mine. And his answer cleared up everything. I watched this episode when I was having the 'where do i really belong' doubts and it really went deep inside of me. What he said practically solve my problem(sorta). He used the word 'heart' but I think he was referring to heart as bond between people. It all make sense!!! If I wish with all my heart to stay here, then this is where I should be...

But it still doesn't solve my problem. I want to stay, with all my heart. But should I? And even if I decide to let go, will I ever be able to do so? They said when you love something let it go, if it comes back; it's yours, if not; it never was.. Bla bla bla.. I think that's B******T. The biggest problem is letting go, for God sake! Even if you think you've let go, are you really? That's not letting go, that's just driving yourself crazy and miserable.

Just like the movies, the hero let go of the heroin; he walked out of her life. But then he was miserable, isn't he? He lives but he's not happy. He's far away from her but he never stop thinking about her. How's that not miserable?? But of course, all movies have happy ending which means she will come to find him and they will live happily ever after; which does NOT work in real life. If you did the same thing, believe me, you woud be miserable on your own unless you wake up and started to LIVE your own life, not the miserable life of remembering his/her!!

What is letting go? Can we really let go of something just like that? Can we able to say that we never regret our choices of letting go? Can you ever let go without having a closure? And what can you do if you can't get one? Do you stay or do you what? move on? Will you be happy if you let go or would you be happy if you stay? That's the million dollar question, isn't it? I don't think anyone could give a immediate answer when I ask; SHOULD I STAY?