~~Friends~~

 Friends... There's a lot of defination to that particular word. I'm not a very nice person, I know and I don't take b******t and hypocrisy quite well and I have quite an attitude. So naturally my friends are only the people WITHOUT these two things and those who can stand me and see the true me underneath all the rudeness and harsh words.

  To tell you the truth, I don't have many friends (real, best friends). In my POV, friends are the person who know who I really am and I know who they really are, and still like and trust each other. I'm very strict about friends and friendship. I do NOT tolerate hypocrisy and/or betrayal AT ALL. Once someone betray me, they're out of my life FOREVER. So, naturally, quite many people had been out of my life or turned from 'friend' to 'acquaintance' or 'she/he is just someone I used to know from somewhere'.

  But I don't mind since I believe in 'quality' rather than 'quantity'. And when someone become my friend, I would do almost literally everything for them; even if it hurts and burdens me. That's how I appreciate my friends.

  Watching people around me, I realize people have more real friends than I am. I know why; my attitude. I don't mind and it made me appreciate the friends and the people whose willing to be around me despite knowing my true self. Thank you very much, you guys. So, in my appreciation towards them, I would like to introduce some of them.


Family

* I talk with my family about mostly everything. But I share ALL my secrets with my sister, Athirah. When I said ALL, I mean EVERYTHING; she have all my dirt on her hand. And I can talk to her about anything, from gross stuff to serious stuff to girly stuff. Can't bear not talking to her. We can go on and talk all day. Both of us have busy life but we still talk or text.

Badlishah Era
    
* Fareehan
   I've known her since I entered the school in form 2. Became best friends ever, talked about a lot of things. High school was so much fun because of her. Even when I got into 5Sc1 where I'm the only girl, she was always there for me.Sadly, we don't contact that much since I came here; my fault, I know. But we always meet when I go back. Her house's 'Kurma Kambing' is the best and she knows how much I LOVE it!!! When we see each other once or twice a year, I really appreciate the way she talk to me like usual; like we never been apart at all. She might not realize how much I appreciate her still willing to be my friend despite me not contacting form time to time and meet only once a year. Thanks for your friendship~~

*Zalika
  I've become close to her in Form 4 and 5. Her class is next to mine and we have one class together. She's a very straightforward and what you see is what you got kinda person which I really like. No b******t from her. Both of us go to school with bike with our sisters so I always meet her at the parking place. And our mothers know each other. Her mother 'love' to feed me delicious food which I appreciate A LOT. Haha. And like Fareehan, she never mind me not contacting when I'm here and we usually meet when I'm back. The way she talked with me is like we had never been apart; something I really appreciate. Thank you~~

* 5Sc1 Classmates
   Since I was the only girl in that class, all of them are guys. And nice people too. We meet sometimes, usually during Raya but last year, we didn't manage to get together. They're very nice people and it's nice to see them even once in a year. We've been through a lot together during two years being classmates. Usually involved doing 'not so nice' things. Sweet sweet memories. I never regretted my choice entering that class. If I didn't make that choice, I might not he where I am right now. Thanks guys~~

PPKTJ Era

* Geng JJ
   Most people from our batch know what 'Geng JJ' was. There was 7 of us; me, nina, aien, mimie, ila, adnan and shah. We did so many things together mostly at JJ near Kolej Kedua; I guess that what made people call of that name? Sweet Sweet memories; we had done so many things together!! Genting, JJ, Nasi Lemak, Bowling, Movies,Naza and lots more memorable things done between exams and tons of homework.Geng JJ is the my most important people back in PPKTJ. It was the thing that kept me moving during the stressful days.  And we chose two college here that seemed close on the map. Who know it would be this far, right gang? Tsuyama and Matsue. We will go our separate ways after this but I hope we can stay friends no matter what happen. NO MATTER WHAT~~

Matsue College Era (still here)
*Mimie
 We've been through a lot here in Matsue; we're together almost all the time. Reports, exams, guys, conbini, joyful,mishimaya,idol karaoke, badminton. Through thick and thin together. Just finished our graduation research presentation and now concentrating on graduating. We will go separate ways after this but friends forever!!

*Research Members
  At first, they all thought I was this 'nice, gentle and polite' girl; an image I built for the teachers. But they gradually realized they were wrong when we spent time together (usually under a lot of stress from the reports, study and researches). So, they found out who I really am; the outspoken, moody, I-don't-take- b******t kinda person. I've cried in front of all of them (sensei included) when I failed my first university entrance exam, cried on the sofa inside the lab when my research went weary in front one of them and sensei, burst in anger when I found out one of them were lying (sensei was there), object sensei's decision outloud in front all of them and etc; everything that show who I really am. And they still accept me for who I am; in fact they're more open to me than before. Now, I can behave like myself even in front of them and be comfortable it. I love spending time in that lab with all of them.

*Senpai and Kouhai
  Nice, interesting group of people. Always around to help and play. Matsuerians are the best~~


  There, I guess that's everyone. I've realized that sometimes even if we think that one person is our best friends, that doesn't mean they would think the same. We could think that they're our best friend but they could only be thinking about us just as a normal nice friend. And it hurts when you found out that cruel fact but there is nothing to do about it: you can't control how people feel about you. One can love one peson so much but that doesn't mean they will be loved with the same amount of love. That's how the human heart work; you can't control it. Sad but you would just t accept it. In my case, I never stop thinking and treating that person as a best friend even when she/he is clearly not thinking the same about me. Even if she/he doesn't appreciate what I have for them, I will appreciate the feeling and treasure them. It's not everyday that you can feel for a person like that so it's best to treasure the feeling. So, the person who I think and feel as my best friend/ friend will always be one even if they don't feel the same.

   To all my friend, thanks for bearing with this unpredictable, moody, annoying, proud human being with attitude which is me. I might not say it outloud but I really do appreciate your friendship and it's my treasure. =D

Broken Heart

The changes of the human heart never fails to marvel me; including mine. How at one time you're so in love with one person, so addcited with a drama/song/book/ect, so loving them from the bottom of your heart and can't imagine life without them; just enjoying everything and the other time you suddenly feel nothing about the person you used to be so crazy about or feel nothing when you watch the drama/song/ book again; thinking how in the world did I became so crazy and addicted to that one person or drama/song/book once upon a time ago; it baffles you to realize how may stupids things you've done, time you've wasted and the more you think about it, the more regrets you will have.


Easy example; a crush. When you were having that particular crush; everything around you revolves around that person; you think about them all the time; you want to spend time with them etc; all the I-can't-live-without-him/her kinda thing. And that time, you seriously, truly believe that you can't never live without them; you couldn't even imagine a life without them in it. That's what I would call the losing-your-mind-for-him/her (LYMFH) period. And no one; I mean NO ONE; not even your closest friends or your family could say or do anything to make you snap out of it. Then came the heartbreak period. They did something and you were heartbroken and decided to forget about them. But then they did some nice things, said something nice and you're back in the LYMFH period again. This cycles continued for a while; depending on individuals. Some went through this in months; some spent years.

Until one day, they entered the he/she-is-no-good-for-me period or I-deserve-better period; this is the period when you realized that this relationship/crush is not going anywhere and you deserve someone better. This is the period when you really made the decision to let go. After this period, comes the dealing-with-broken-heart period. Everyone have their own unique way. Some cried their eyes out and move on, some become a workaholic then realize it wasn't helping, cry their eyes out and moved on, some just realize there are more things in life than what they had settled for and move on; everyone have their own way of dealing with it and some might take more time than others. After all, healing a severe wound takes a lot of time; hence a wounded, broken and shattered to pieces human heart.  A quote from the Wizard of Oz; "Hearts will never be made practical until they can be made unbreakable." True indeed; it takes time when our hearts were broken; no matter what the reason might be; love, failure, betrayal or just cruel words. Like they say; time will heal and it's true. Because (a quote;) "When you lose someone, you don't lose them all at once. You lose them in pieces over time." That's why you will need the time; your own sweet time to get over a broken heart and move on.

"Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult."

BUT



"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

So to all of you who had suffered a broken heart (I doubt there no one who had none), including myself; be strong. It's not the end of the world. The bigger power have woderful things instore for us and who are we to just wail and complaints at our current situation? Believe me, 10 years from now you will look back and say "Yeah.. I've been through that.. It was hard but I got over it... I'm happy with the way my life turned out..." In fact, looked back about 5 years ago or maybe last year's failure/broken heart. It doesn't feel that bad now, right? Human heart are very fragile to the slightest touch, to the simplest words and to the most ignorant acts but it is strong enough to continue beating and to move on even after crushed, broken and shattered into pieces.

Blood Type and Personality

Japanese have this interesting culture of judging a person's personality by their blood test and the other way around. It's very famous up to the point they have daily fortune telling using blood type instead of horoscope. I didn't know my blood type until quite recently. My lab member kept asking me about my blood type and it was killing them not knowing and killing me seeing them like that. So when I went back home to Malaysis last summer, I took the blood test and found out my blood type is B+.

So, when I came back to Japan, I told everyone and they were excited and relieved to know my result; weird rite? One thing settled. Or so I thought until one day I found out my lab professor have quite a deep interest in the relationship between blood type and personality. Btw, he told me his hobby is observing people; their personality, way of life etc. So, he started going on how I was a typical B type person; he said he had known I was one even before I took the blood test. Ok..... That made me curious so we spent about an hour talking about this while I ignored my graduation thesis. Nice rite?

Traits

So, here's some of the trait he told me.( most of them are bad traits) 

A - diligent (majime), perfectionist, worrywart, -----> In short; my professor. He admit it himself and from what I have seen, he's the typical A type.

B - self centered sometimes selfish, stubborn, like to have their own way, say opinion out loud and positive thinker (i.e sees good in things even when it's bad) -------> Me (according to him; I don't know if he said all these just to critisize me and I seriously think he secretly enjoying saying these to my face =_=)

AB - a bit crazy, unpredictable ------> He gave three names of my classmate and I couldn't do anything but nod and agree.

O - absent-minded, go with the flow (change according to people around), usually give up in the middle --------> a lab member of mine is an O; he's exactly like what's written on top. 

Compatibility

A ----> NEVER good with B; high rate of divorce for this couple 
    ----> not so great with AB but better than B
    ----> great with O

O -----> great with any because O will go with the flow

AB ----> the end of world with another AB

Conclusion

   I am what he said a typical B is and I couldn't agree more. My professor is an A; I could go along with him well most of the time but got pissed with him most of the time too. That could explained a lot. AB; I have to agree when I see that three classmates of mine. But you can't hate them which explains why AB is the universal recipient? O; probably the most flexible of all; he could survive anywhere. Most of Japanese are A type; that would explained why they're like what they are or the other way around... No wonder O is the universal donor....

  Some believe this culture begins because the need to know something personal about a person when we first meet so that we can have some expectation about their personality and how they would react. And since asking for blood type isn't rude like asking about their family or personal life, this culture started spreading and accepted. Sound good enough.....

  So, what's your blood time and does the given traits matches?
      

Me and Myself.....

 No one's perfect. We all know that but we don't really know our own imperfections or our own traits that people find annoying or hard to deal with. Is it ever possible to look at yourself objectively and list down all your charm points, annoying trait and bad habit? Some people might be too harsh on themself and some might be too lenient... I guess it's possible up to an extent but we can't never see ourself as the people around us sees us. It's physically and mentally impossible... So, what do to if you want to improve yourself and changed some bad habits or annoying traits? Probably as a new year resolution?

The traditional solution: ask the people around you; the people close to you. The problem: they would probably tell you the truth but not the WHOLE truth. Because they're afraid they might hurt your feeling. And they're right. No matter how much you say "I want your honest opinion. I won't be mad at all"; you will be hurt or at least thinking "Do I really do that?" or "Am I that bad?". So, better not put them and yourself in that situation.


  Ok, here me trying to look at me and my personality objectively. Feel free to add but I don't guarantee I wouldn't give you the "I didn't know that's how you're thinking of me.." kinda look. Kidding... No... Kidding.. No.. I don't know; you decide.. =D

  One, I'm a very moody person and the world have to move according to my mood.  To the people around me; be happy when I am and leave me alone when I'm not in the mood. And my mood swing gets worst with PMS (pre and post). Solution; currently working to smile even when I don't feel like it and be patient with the craziness and the pressure around me -----> Working very hard on it... (priority)

 Two, stubborn. (very?) If things's don't go my way, I'm outta the way. But I think I'm able to accept opinion and critics, maybe not at the moment but after a few days or hours of thinking (usually after a good night sleep). Solution; be more patient and always maintains a cool and calm manner ------> On it.

  Three, selfish/ self-centered? Someone said this right to my face. But I wasn't upset since I am a bit selfish and self-centered with someone I'm comfortable enough to be with. Solution; Be such only with certain people------> Solved.

  Fourth, a person I hate is a person I hate, for a long long long time. Up until now, not one person that I've learned to hate managed to make me like them again; no matter what they do. NEVER. Solution; don't make me hate you------> Solved

  Fifth, let-the- 'future me'- handle it- way of thinking. Bad... Very bad. I like to live in the present; the past is done;the future is yet to come. Solution; think about the future (be futuristic?) and plans ahead -------> Trying.

  Sixth, running away from problems (hate confrontation). I think I develop this trait since I came to Japan. Before, I like confrontation; I used to think is as a place to see how fast your brain and your mouth can keep up with the fight. Extreme right?  Now, say no to confrontation! I run away from problems until I can't run no more; usually when the problem caught up with me. Solution; get hold of the old me but not too extreme------> Thinking about it

  Seventh, my pride is high. It doesn't usually show but I know it's there; secretly lurking inside of me. Sometimes, it's the only thing that keeps me going when I'm at my lowest. Solution; no need for one? ------> Solved for the time being..

  There, I managed to list seven of my weakness. Though I think there are worst things that I might not realize or in denial to realize. Feel free to add; seriously. I really think I can handle it; I think so. =D

New Year's Gift

I've started a new tradition for myself; buying a New Year's Gift for myself. It maybe another reason for me to buy something I like but who cares? As long as I'm happy right? Two years ago, I spent my winter hols in Tokyo with my best of friends; my JJ gang. And I shopped A LOT at that time.  2008 New Year's gift(s) include a grey evening coat from Uniqlo (I've always wanted one and it was on sale), a black and pink tote? bag from Adidas and a few more.

Last year, 2009; I spent my new year alone in a hotel; literally ALONE. No friends or even acquaintances around me and I was sad as hell. I realized at that time human CANNOT live alone and how important communication with other human is. Valuable lesson learned from last year new year. And  I got myself a new purse; a long light brown with alphabets purse. I've been wanting to buy that particular purse for quite some time now. So when I walked around the shopping mall alone and I saw it on sale, I bought it without thinking much. It's not from a famous brand but I like the design and it's not  expensive. I've used it since and I really like it.

So this year I was thinking of getting myself something for the new year. Btw, I spent 2010 new year alone again but I didn't feel sad at all. I needed a time alone for myself especially when I took a break from my research on 30 Dec for a while. My research will continue after 6 Jan so I really needed the time alone from everything. It was heaven!!! I sat all day long inside the warm futon and do nothing but watch TV, eat junk food and surf the Net. I had a round of snow fight before my kouhai left Matsue so I was satisfied with the little adventure we had. I stayed inside all day long. It was really NICE!!! After about a month of waking up early and sleeping late for my babies, I got some time away from my babies. God, I LOVE being single again~~ Parenthood took all my time and life. I'm so glad I had myself to myself again....

 So, I was very satisfied with my New Year with myself. So, the gift. What I really want was a super nice red coat from Forever 21. The coat is cheap compared to its usual price. But I couldn't bring myself to buy it because I already have a lot of coats (not a red one though) so I gave up and decided I will buy it some other time (if it's still on sale). It was a tough decision to make for I really wanted a red coat. But I got to live with my decision.  I needed and wanted to find something, so me and Fika, my kouhai went to Saty (a shopping mall in Matsue) and I looked around for gifts. To myself and for a few coming birthdays. I found the gifts for others but couldn't decided what to buy for myself. Nothing interest me that much and I don't really need anything in particular.

In the end, I found a cute bracelet and thinking that it would nice substitute for my fav heart necklace that I've lost (Come back to me, dear necklace!!!), so I bought it.  It was nice and girlish. Haha.. I know, not ME but who cares? I thought about it a lot before deciding so it was a smart decision. Also I've learnt how to know whether you're going to regret buying that 'something' or regret NOT buying that 'something'. It takes a lot of practice and I can say that I've become a wise shopper. So I bought it. And I got myself a planner; the pocket diary/ appoinment notebook/schedule diary kinda thing. (I don't know the official name?) I saw a lot of Japanese use it and I started using it myself last year. It's VERY useful. So, there I have it. 2010 New Year's Gift(s) is a cute bracelet and a nice planner/ pocket diary/ appoinmentt book.

I think I'm going to continue with this tradition. While people go around writing their new year resolution or recap of what happened last year, I don't. Coz I could barely remember month by month what happened last year. And usually my new year resolution never come true for I will forget about it in around February. So buying these New Year's Gift will remind me what I was thinking when I bought it and what had happened after I bought it. Kinda like a remainder for the not-so-clear new year resolution and a remainder what had happened before and after I bought it.

 Someone told me 'ものより思い出’ (Mono yori omoide) which means 'Memories are more important than things' but I think in this case, 'ものから思い出' (Mono kara Omoide) which means 'Memories FROM things'. =D


My 2010 New Year's Gift(s)