I've always known that I, we, all of us will have to grow up one day. During my life in and out as a student, going to school, going back from school, doing reports, facing exams and tons of other stuff, it's easy to lose track of time. Only some time when the day slowed down, on a weekend or holidays when I sat down, alone doing nothing, only then I realized how long I had come, how I've grown up and the most dreadful thing, how my parents, my Ibu to be precise is growing old as well.
It's nature's way, we grow up and so does our parents, they grow old. But I didn't realize it, not really. I know my Ibu was growing old but the truth had never hit me as hard as right now. She's alone in our house, my siblings are all studying away. My sister in Melaka, another one in Arau, my brother in SP and the other one in Teluk Intan. And I'm here in Japan, far far away from home. Others might still have both their parents but I only got one and I can't imagine how's Ibu spends her time. Good thing she's still working and good thing Iris and Sano are still back home, I truly hope that somehow they could replace us in that home, maybe not entirely but at least a little. God, I truly hope they are enough to at least ease her loneliness. Of course, she never said anything about being lonely and she always say she's fine but I know how lonely it could get when you're on your own and it's not a great feeling.
I'm happy being able to study in Japan, experience new things, living in a different cultures but there's not a day that I hope that I'm in Malaysia instead, by my mother's side. It tears me inside, I'm living my dream, I'm happy for that but at the same time I hope that I'm not living my dream and instead just stay back home.
There's Skype, there's the phone, there's the Net but nothing can compare to the feeling of actually being there, back in home. The smell of my own home, the familiar framed pictures on the wall, the dusty closet in the bedroom, the unorganized books, the way my body instantly relaxed when I got through the door and just about everything in the house I called home. And there's the people in it. Our family might seemed weird and queer to others but damn it, I love my family and I couldn't and wouldn't wish for any other. We might be chatty, we might talk and laugh loudly, we might seemed weird but God, I love my family. We're close, we make fun of each others, we laugh at each other, we argue and quarrel, we bullied each other, we talk while eating, we never go anywhere without each other, we're WEIRD but I love every bits of it. And I love my mother, more than anything in this world. And it kills me not being able to be with her by her side. I cannot wait for my studies to be over and head back home.
In case you're wondering, yes, I am homesick.