Thursday, April 26, 2012

Collecting Dust

Wow, it has been ages since my last post! I've been meaning to come around and write something, anything, everything but 'that' happened and there was 'that' and so I ended up not writing anything. I'll try to be a better blogger, can't promise anything but I'll try.

Almost a month had passed since the new semester had started. I'm still having a hard time getting back my rhythm as a student but I'm getting there. Most of my beloved juniors and friends had left this town, starting new at new places. Me, I'm still stuck here. Not that I really mind.

Losing friends and companies is a bit hard but I'm content that I don't have to face the excitement and challenges of starting anew. I'm comfortable being in a familiar place, it calms me. Yes, it gets boring sometimes but I can deal with boredom. I don't like changes. Yes, it's exciting to think how the future holds limitess possibilities but then again, it's frightening not being able to tell what's coming your way. So for the time being, I'm happy being where I am.

My final year project (research) is slowly taking shape. I already know my theme, my senior, and a little bit of how to handle the machines. It's exciting to be able to do research again, I used to like it very much back when I was in college. Really hoping that this time would be as fulfilling as the last and hopefully I would be able to produce somekind of a result that I can be proud of.

This year would be my last year in Japan, insyaAllah. I really would like to enjoy each moment and leave without having any regrets but then again, there will always be regrets, big or small. So I'm not gonna do the whole 'appreciate every moment and do everything I want' kinda thing. I'll just cherish what comes my way and realize a few small dreams and wishes; that should be enough for me. :) 

"Only you can do so much with so little."

Thursday, July 14, 2011

What To Chose???

   Higher education gives you the chance to choose what you want to learn. You can choose your own class and you can make your own schedule. Sounds good, right? Not really since although you are given the freedom to choose, there's the weird pressure of choosing what's already decided for you.

For example when I was back in college, the education system gives us freedom to choose our own classes. But when you consider the basic factor of having enough credits to graduate, you can't really choose what you want to learn. As in, even if I wanted to take a class out of pure interest, when I see or hear about the grading system being strict, I'll think twice. At the end of the day, I chose classes that are easier to get good results and easier to gain the credits.

 So I thought one day when I enter the university, I could choose any classes I want, out of pure interest eventhough the grading system is strict or it's harder to pass the class; I was determined to pick classes based on my interest and not by the possibility of getting a good result. Until I entered the university and found out the ugly truth; NOTHING change.

Since I transferred from college to the 3rd year at the university, that left me only 2 years to gather credits and to finish what normal students would do in 4 years. Sounds stressful? That wasn't even half of it. Because the department I entered isn't based on JABEE (The thing you need so that your degree certificate can be recognized all over the world instead of just Japan), I have to take a special course for JABEE student. My department here is divided into three courses; the architecture course, the mechanical course and the JABEE course. I had no choice but to take the JABEE coz my degree would be useless when I go back to Malaysia. And you know what is the most fun part about the JABEE course? The course included both the architecture and the mechanical course. So I have to take classes twice the amount of the students in my department and I have to do it in half the time. Oh, what fun!  

 So here I am, far far away from what I expected when I was in college. But there's a silver lining; the exams in university (this university anyway) is easier than the one I used to have in college; way much easier. So if I studied like I used to in college, theoretically, I could get through the exams here in this university. Of course, I would study harder since this is my first exam here and added by the past traumatic experience, I'm a much sober person.

 But since this is my first semester, I would have to do an experiment first. This experiment is by taking classes that are easy to pass although I don't like them much and take lots of it so that I could gather lots of credits. That's my objective for this first semester. And based on the result of this semester's final exam, I'll decide what to do about the next semester.

I'm currently thinking of combining both; taking both the classes that are easier to pass and the classes I like. It would take so much more of my time and energy but hey, isn't that what I'm here for? To learn as much as possible? Btw, this particular way of thinking is rooted from Education and Human Mind class; the one class in this semester that I'm taking out of pure interest. I'm learning so much!

Anway, that's what I've learnt from my 4 months here in Shimane University and the course of action for my not so distant future. To those who are studying for finals, best of luck. I'll be studying for my finals too so wish me luck!!! =)

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Proud Moment In A Friendship

What's the proudest moment in a friendship? Ok, well, maybe not the proudest but nonetheless a proud moment. The moment you truly feel proud to have that particular person as a person. The moment that you realized that they did listen, they did take their time to learn about you. For me, it was the moment when a friend casually slipped a few trivial details about me when we were meeting new people or a comment while doing something and etc.  

Like, when we're talking about insects, that person would look at me and said "You hate insects, right?" And then looked at the others and annouced that I hate insects. Which would make the whole group sorta laugh at it but I wasn't offended. Coz I do and it's not somethig I'm ashamed about.

Or when I was telling a new friend the reason why I don't join clubs or circles at the university, he would interrupted and said that I don't like being tied down, that I do what I want, whenever I want. Again, that is true and although it kinda hit me that I maybe have some commitment issue, I was touched that the person noticed.

Or when we're eating together and when that person saw me with something I don't like, that person would say. "Oh, that's right! You don't drink milk!" I don't and thank you for noticing!

Or when we're shopping and that person would look at the cloth I'm holding, thinking whether to buy it or not and say "That is so you." I never noticed I like that kind of clothes but now that you mention it, half of my closet is filled with clothes like that.

And so many moments that I couldn't quite recall right now.

I'm proud that they had said those things because I showed that they noticed things about me, they learnt what I like and dislike and they take the time to learn about me; things that you do when you're in relationship. And the way they say it, in a confident but also casual at the same time kinda way makes me feel that that person is somewhat proud to be my friend, proud to know those small things about me. Maybe it's just me, but I truly appreciate this kind of gesture, they maybe small but it has a big effect on me.

So, to you. (Of course, there's more than one person!)
Thank you for noticing those little things about me. I'm touched that you noticed my quirks, the things that I'm both aware of and not aware of. And I'm too do notice a few things here and there about you too.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Running Away From Lab Report Caused This.....

You don't have to look into blue eyes to see the sky.
Green, hazel, amber, brown or black.
As long as it's the right eyes, you'll see the brightest, the bluest sky in it.
For me it's a light brown, the perfect mixture of amber and chocolate.
And when light lits up in those eyes, it takes my breath away..... 


Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth be a liar,
But never doubt I love.

Maybe my face doesn't light up whenever I see you anymore, but my heart still does

It is impossible to love and be wise.

Love is the strange bewilderment which overtakes one person on account of another person.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Wanted List Part 1

It's hard finding gifts for people. Especially for me since I want it to be perfect, I want the receiver to be truly happy not just content. Someone told me the key to buying gifts is that something that you want but would neverbuy for yourself. Thus receiving it as a a gift would be a bliss. =)

 Anyway, for my case, it's simple. There's one gift that could never go wrong, one gift that I would never be unhappy to receive; books. But it could go terribly wrong if it's not up to my taste. Ex: Motivation or self help books. Uh, no thank you...

 Since my favorite site to browse during my free time is Amazon, my Wanted List at this site is quite long. Feel free to pick a book if you're planning to give me a gift =P
or if you're searching for a book to read,
or if you had read it, do tell me if it's any good
or for whatever reason you might want to have a look at books.

These are the books that I want to read. Since this list had existed for a long time, sometimes even I forget about the book and as to why I wanted to read it. But it's my own way of keeping track of my past thoughts and interest. =)

My Amazon Wanted List  (欲しいものリスト)

1. Picking Cotton: Our Memoir of Injustice and Redemption by
Jennifer Thompson-cannino, Ronald Cotton, Erin Torneo

*I seriously have no idea about why I wanted to read this book.

2.The Stormchasers by Jenna Blum
* Obviously it's probably about people chasing storms. Maybe a thriller, which just my kind of read. =)

3.Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger
*Something about twins, I think.

4. When Will There be Good News? by Kate Atkinson
*You can tell it's an emotional book from it's title which suits me just fine.

5.Millennium Trilogy; The Girl Who Played with Fire, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
*The reason why I'm not going to watch the movie; because I haven't read the book.

6.Down River by John Hart
* The Last Child by John Hart was on my list but was checked out. John Hart is good, almost as good as Grisham.

7.How to Be a Mentalist: Master the Secrets Behind the Hit TV Show by Simon Winthrop
*Confession: I was addicted to 'The Mentalist' at this time.

8.BoneMan's Daughters by Ted Dekker

9. Sisters by Danielle Steel
*I love books about sister or siblings, because I love my sisters and my siblings. 

10. The Devil's Teardrop by Jeffery Deaver 
*Probably another thriller

11.Tell No One by Harlan Coben

12.Friend of My Youth by Alice Munro
* I can't remember anything about the book but the author's name is kinda familiar.

13. Hawkes Harbor by S. E. Hinton
*I think there's another book by Hinton in this list. We'll see...

14. Summer Sisters: A Novel by Judy Blume
*Keyword: Sisters. Although it's about friendship.

15.Shattered Silk by Barbara Michaels
*Something about the protagonist found something in the attic.

16. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
*New is not always better, Barney. Sorry.

17. The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
*I'm pretty sure it's not just about bees.

18.  Holes by Louis Sachar
*Something about boys digging holes.

19. Paper Towns by John Green
*I have no idea....

20. Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins
* I heard it's good. Still don't get the chance to read it.

21.The Road by Cormac McCarthy
*I think there's a movie adaption of this, which I'm not going to see until I've read the book.

22.  No Time for Goodbye by Linwood Barclay
*Thriller, I think

23. Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah
*Crisis between best friends

24. Pomegranate Soup: A Novel by Marsha Mehran
* Iranian sisters finding home in an Irish village

25.  Beauty by Robin McKinley
*From Beauty and the Beast

26. Now and Then by Robert B. Parker

27.Fair and Tender Ladies by Lee Smith
*A story about a woman's journey through life.

28.The Love Letter by Cathleen Schine
*It's not a sappy love novels. I don't read those.

29.Happy All the Time: A Novel by Laurie Colwin
*Friendship, love and problems.

30.  The Last Summer (of You and Me) by Ann Brashares
*Ann Brashares? What else to say?

31. Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher
*I can't never forget this book. I just have to know those thirteen reasons. Soon....

32.  Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac by Gabrielle Zevin
*The word 'teenage' doesn't really catch my attention but when combined with 'amnesiac', well, well, what do we have here?

33. My Legendary Girlfriend by Mike Gayle
* How legendary can she be? Btw, Mike Gayle's books are on my list.

34. How to Breathe Underwater by Julie Orringer
*Not about breathing underwater, obviously.

35.Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by John Gray
*It's an interesting textbook for people study, right?

36.The Confession by John Grisham
*And some other Grisham's books, but not all.

37. Crossing Oceans by Gina Holmes
*Hmm... No idea.

38. Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King
*Stephen King was my fav author when I was a teenager. Still is....

39. A Scattered Life by Karen Mcquestion
*No idea

40. If Morning Ever Comes by Anne Tyler
*The tittle intrigues me. 

 There's still more to come. If I'm not busy or want to act as if I'm not busy, I'll put up Part 2.... => 

Praying the floor won't fall through, again...

A phrase from Dear John by Taylor Swift
     ....Praying the floor won't fall through, again......

The floor had fallen through underneath me, a couple of times now.
It's not a plesant experience.Imagine walking or running or jumping in happiness, in bliss, in ignorance when suddenly the floor fell through, out of the blue and you are helpless to do anything, nothing to hold onto, nothing to grab, nothing at all when the pain hit you, the unexpected pain that travel to every part of your body.

And you're left breathless, helpless, writhing and desperate for air, for something to make the overwhelming pain, the endless worries and anxiety go away, anything, anything at all that make everything better again.
You cling to everything, anything but sometimes it's just not enough, you have to search deep inside and find strength from inside and from the Almighty.

I myself have had those times. It wasn't a pleasant experience and if I can choose, I wouldn't want to go through it again, nor I would want anyone to go through it, EVER.

But things will get better, they will. Maybe not the way who had wanted them to be, maybe not the way you had seen it or maybe it would take years before you could finally come terms with it but it will get better, as long as you don't give up. Things will get better, one way or another, they will. That's the very beauty of life.

To feel pain or nothing at all?
Some people would say they rather be in pain than feeling nothing but the big question it, are we ever ready for the pain?
For when the floor fall through, nothing, nothing in this world could prepare you for the pain.....
But you will just have to get through and pray with all your heart that a better tomorrow will be waiting.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Weight of The World

Wht do you do when you feel the weight of the world of your shoulder?
Not just your world, but others too; weighing you down, almost crippling you.
I am willing to carry that weight for others, because I care, because I do, sincerely care.
But what do you do when you feel that the weight is too much?
You stay strong, settled the upcoming obstacles one by one and along the way, you share the weight with someone else and it will be better, so much better, I promise....

A small part of 'Breathe' by Ryan Star.

she's fine, most of the time
she takes her days with a smile

she moves like dancing in light

spinning around to the sound

sometimes she falls down

breathe, just breathe

take the world off your shoulders

and put it on me

breathe, just breathe

let the life that you lead

be all that you need