Life had taken me on a new way that I had never could even possibly imagine. But it had and I accept it with a open heart. I'm content; I'm not bitter nor I am sad. I'm still wandering and worrying but not regretting and grieving anymore. What had happened, happened and I accept it as my destiny. And so I've accepted that this is how my life will be from now on. I know my whole life hadn't been easy. I've been through so much and I will have to go through so much more. We, human struggle as long as we live and no one can run away from being challenged from time to time by our Creator. And I know, I believe that He wouldn't give me challenges that He knew I couldn't handle. And I know this is not the end of my story, I still have to face challenges ahead. Unlike movies, there's no happy ending after one challenge, you have to live through thousands of challenges to get your own happy ending. Today, it's my day, my time to face the challenge that God had installed for me. I accept it, I'll go through it. I know there's a silver lining from everything that had happened; there always be. And though I only know a small part of it for now, I know there's goodness from what had happened. I'm not very strong but I know I'm strong enough to accept everything that had happened.
I don't need sympathy but I accept empathy and good intention.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
Jane Austen ~ Let's read!!!
I bought 'The Complete Novels of Jane Austen' months ago because I wanted to read 'Pride and Prejudice'. I've always wanted to read this piece but I never got the chance. I bought the complete novels because it was much cheaper than just buying only Pride and Prejudice. And months passed after I bought it since I really didn't have the time to read because I have this bad habit; when I started reading a book, everything else will have to wait until I finished reading it. But that habit had improved, I managed to put down my book and do some other stuff but I wouldn't be able to concentrate because my mind is filled with the character and the story from the book. And it will be for about a week even after I finished reading the book. That's how my mind and books work.
So, I finally got the chance to read 'Pride and Prejudice' during last winter holiday and I like it so so much!!!! I love Elizabeth Bennet and I love Mr Darcy and I was so happy that they're togetther at the end of the story. A few months after 'Pride and Prejudice', last week, I read 'Emma' because I sorta remembered I heard about the movie when I was little. So I started reading Emma. And of course, I LOVE it. I like Emma most of the time, I like Mr Knightley all the time but I LOVE them together!!!
I'm loving Jane Austen!! I know it's quite late but I don't think I'll like her if I read her novels when I was younger (high school) since that time I preferred reading 'fantasy' and mystery kinda novel like Harry Potter and Stephen King's novels. But when I came here, I started reading chic lit novels like Cecilia Ahern, Marian Keyes, Jennifer Weiner and Emily Giffin and of course Sophie Kinsella though I don't like the Shopaholic series much. I love it a lot (about a year ago). Probably because I was in the 'I wanna be in love' kinda mood.
But I'm not in that mood now. Now I'm more in the 'I wanna enjoy my life' mood and will only think about a realistic and steady relationships. So, I guess that's why I like Austen's novels a lot now. The characters and the relationships inside the story is so realistic. Unlike other novels, Austen's characters are very realistic with their flaws and all. But or course you couldn't help to like them especially when you have something in common with them. I think I like Elizabeth Bennet and Emma Woodhouse probably because I found something in common with them. And it would be wonderful if I could meet someone like Mr Darcy or Mr Knightley. =P And I managed to relate some of the characters from the novels to the people around me and it made it so much easier for me to handle them.
And now I'm watching the movies based on the novels. I've watched 'Pride and Prejudice' and currently watching BBC's Emma. Pride and Prejudice was overrall good. They changed some of the scene probably because there wasn't enough time to put all the details. But the characters in the movie very much capture the characteristic of the characters from the novel. Though I think the Elizabeth Bennet (Keira Knightley) in the movie is too 'giggly'. Mr Darcy (Matthew Macfayden) is nice, I like him though I did expected him to be 'younger'. But I like it alright. Now I'm watching BBC's Emma and I'll talk about it when I'm done.
People probably know by now that I like reading very much and I can't understand those who don't read. Of course as student, you are 'obligated' to read textbooks and stuff so many could say they read all the time. But I can't call that reading since I think my kind of 'reading' is finding something to read according to your preference and reading it at your own will and interest, and thinking of it as a leisure and not a burden. So, I don't count reading textbooks for exams is 'reading' at all, maybe it can be called 'studying' instead. And I realized that by growing older and having more responsibilities, it would be harder to find time to read. But I think if you really want it, you will find a way to do it. And I found it quite comfortable to read a few pages before sleeping. It makes you relaxed and naturally you will feel sleepy; most of the time in my case. However, there are exception since there were times when I just couldn't put the book down and ended up reading it till morning without any sleep. Needless to say the next day was horrible but I was satisfied since I managed to read the whole story and know about the ending. And don't get me started on the people who read a few pages/chapters before skipping to the ending? What the???!! Where's the pleasure in that? Of course you get to know the ending, but doesn't it bother you not knowing what leads to the ending and how everybody changed that lead to the ending? The process is the most important part!! How could you skip it? It's just unbelievable..
And since I like reading so much and can't understand people who don't read, I would like it very much for My Mister (refer to post My Mister) to be a reader like me. Then we could talk about books even our interest in books differs. Up until now, I only have a friend that I can really talk about what I read. Sad, I know but not many share my passion in reading and less share the same interest on the book I read. I can't imagine those who don't read at all; reading is the food for your mind. The more you read, the more you think and your mind will be opened to new things that you probably would never thought about hadn't you read that particular book. So, people.. Let's read!!! =D
So, I finally got the chance to read 'Pride and Prejudice' during last winter holiday and I like it so so much!!!! I love Elizabeth Bennet and I love Mr Darcy and I was so happy that they're togetther at the end of the story. A few months after 'Pride and Prejudice', last week, I read 'Emma' because I sorta remembered I heard about the movie when I was little. So I started reading Emma. And of course, I LOVE it. I like Emma most of the time, I like Mr Knightley all the time but I LOVE them together!!!
I'm loving Jane Austen!! I know it's quite late but I don't think I'll like her if I read her novels when I was younger (high school) since that time I preferred reading 'fantasy' and mystery kinda novel like Harry Potter and Stephen King's novels. But when I came here, I started reading chic lit novels like Cecilia Ahern, Marian Keyes, Jennifer Weiner and Emily Giffin and of course Sophie Kinsella though I don't like the Shopaholic series much. I love it a lot (about a year ago). Probably because I was in the 'I wanna be in love' kinda mood.
But I'm not in that mood now. Now I'm more in the 'I wanna enjoy my life' mood and will only think about a realistic and steady relationships. So, I guess that's why I like Austen's novels a lot now. The characters and the relationships inside the story is so realistic. Unlike other novels, Austen's characters are very realistic with their flaws and all. But or course you couldn't help to like them especially when you have something in common with them. I think I like Elizabeth Bennet and Emma Woodhouse probably because I found something in common with them. And it would be wonderful if I could meet someone like Mr Darcy or Mr Knightley. =P And I managed to relate some of the characters from the novels to the people around me and it made it so much easier for me to handle them.
And now I'm watching the movies based on the novels. I've watched 'Pride and Prejudice' and currently watching BBC's Emma. Pride and Prejudice was overrall good. They changed some of the scene probably because there wasn't enough time to put all the details. But the characters in the movie very much capture the characteristic of the characters from the novel. Though I think the Elizabeth Bennet (Keira Knightley) in the movie is too 'giggly'. Mr Darcy (Matthew Macfayden) is nice, I like him though I did expected him to be 'younger'. But I like it alright. Now I'm watching BBC's Emma and I'll talk about it when I'm done.
People probably know by now that I like reading very much and I can't understand those who don't read. Of course as student, you are 'obligated' to read textbooks and stuff so many could say they read all the time. But I can't call that reading since I think my kind of 'reading' is finding something to read according to your preference and reading it at your own will and interest, and thinking of it as a leisure and not a burden. So, I don't count reading textbooks for exams is 'reading' at all, maybe it can be called 'studying' instead. And I realized that by growing older and having more responsibilities, it would be harder to find time to read. But I think if you really want it, you will find a way to do it. And I found it quite comfortable to read a few pages before sleeping. It makes you relaxed and naturally you will feel sleepy; most of the time in my case. However, there are exception since there were times when I just couldn't put the book down and ended up reading it till morning without any sleep. Needless to say the next day was horrible but I was satisfied since I managed to read the whole story and know about the ending. And don't get me started on the people who read a few pages/chapters before skipping to the ending? What the???!! Where's the pleasure in that? Of course you get to know the ending, but doesn't it bother you not knowing what leads to the ending and how everybody changed that lead to the ending? The process is the most important part!! How could you skip it? It's just unbelievable..
And since I like reading so much and can't understand people who don't read, I would like it very much for My Mister (refer to post My Mister) to be a reader like me. Then we could talk about books even our interest in books differs. Up until now, I only have a friend that I can really talk about what I read. Sad, I know but not many share my passion in reading and less share the same interest on the book I read. I can't imagine those who don't read at all; reading is the food for your mind. The more you read, the more you think and your mind will be opened to new things that you probably would never thought about hadn't you read that particular book. So, people.. Let's read!!! =D
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
4 GOOD
When everything seemed so wrong and so hopeless what do you do? People have their own way in panicking and settling problems and deciding...
Mine is these four GOOD:
1) Good cry
* I just to give myself a chance to cry your heart out for everything that had went wrong. This usually makes me feel better and lighter.. =D
2) Good shoulder to cry on
* After that good cry alone, it would be helpful to have someone you can lean on and just cry on their shoulder. Most of us (me in this case) doesn't have the luxury for this one for many reasons; away from that someone or there's just no one around. Sad but that's life. They can't be there for you all the time, sometimes you just have to get through with it yourself.
3) Good company
* After I had finished pouring your heart out into tears, it's time to pour them into words. Talking with someone else even about things that is not related to the problem would be very helpful. Of course it would be better if you can discuss about the problem with that person but sometimes, you just need someone to listen and talk to you. Usually I talk with my sister or my Mom, but not about the problem; just small talks to take my thoughts away from the problem.
4) Good food
* This doesn't mean eating a whole basket of ice cream or anything extreme like that. Just a normal dish that I like or feel like eating at that time. If it's impossible, I would just improvise with what I have at that time.
5) Good shower
* Long hot shower just wash everything away. There's nothing more refreshing than a long hot shower... After that shower, I feel so fresh and so high I could take on the world!! Exxegerating, I know..
After that, I will be up and about to think about the problem and make even the most difficult decision. I think my body and mind need to prepare themself before going into the battle field to decided life or death. This works for me but I don't know about anybody else. And of course, a good prayer is the best way to conclude everything~~
Mine is these four GOOD:
1) Good cry
* I just to give myself a chance to cry your heart out for everything that had went wrong. This usually makes me feel better and lighter.. =D
2) Good shoulder to cry on
* After that good cry alone, it would be helpful to have someone you can lean on and just cry on their shoulder. Most of us (me in this case) doesn't have the luxury for this one for many reasons; away from that someone or there's just no one around. Sad but that's life. They can't be there for you all the time, sometimes you just have to get through with it yourself.
3) Good company
* After I had finished pouring your heart out into tears, it's time to pour them into words. Talking with someone else even about things that is not related to the problem would be very helpful. Of course it would be better if you can discuss about the problem with that person but sometimes, you just need someone to listen and talk to you. Usually I talk with my sister or my Mom, but not about the problem; just small talks to take my thoughts away from the problem.
4) Good food
* This doesn't mean eating a whole basket of ice cream or anything extreme like that. Just a normal dish that I like or feel like eating at that time. If it's impossible, I would just improvise with what I have at that time.
5) Good shower
* Long hot shower just wash everything away. There's nothing more refreshing than a long hot shower... After that shower, I feel so fresh and so high I could take on the world!! Exxegerating, I know..
After that, I will be up and about to think about the problem and make even the most difficult decision. I think my body and mind need to prepare themself before going into the battle field to decided life or death. This works for me but I don't know about anybody else. And of course, a good prayer is the best way to conclude everything~~
Tag by Mimie from Next Room~~
belive it or not, this is my first tag!!!! Thanks Mimie, I'm so happy and excited~~
Soalan 1 ~ Where is your cell phone ?
Depan mata... Waiting for certain 'someone' to reply mesej...
Soalan 2 ~ Relationship ?
Single and probably would be for quite some time~~
Soalan 3 ~ Your Hair ?
Black
Soalan 4 ~ Work ?
Student? It's a lot of work...
Soalan 5 ~ Your sister ?
2 younger sisters
Soalan 6 ~ your favourite thing ?
my bed~~
Soalan 7 ~ Your dream last night ?
hmm.... don't remember
Soalan 8 ~ Your favourite drink ?
tea, cocoa, ikut mood
Soalan 9 ~ Your dream car ?
something cool n stylish.... cam Toyota Corolla Axio ke?
Soalan 10 ~ Your shoes ?
my comfortable flat sneakers; can't go wrong with it....
Soalan 11 ~ Your fears ?
cockroach; had always been this particular animal.
losing someone unexpectedly....
Soalan 12 ~ What do you want to be after 10 years ?
Successful job, loving family, happy life; isn't everybody wish for this?
Soalan 13 ~ Who did you hang out with last weekend ?
This week is a better choice I think..
Friday ; Went to Vogel Park and Ice Skating with Matsuerians..
Saturday; free sushi with Mimie and Japanese teacher...
Sunday; On my bed with myself (Loving it!!)
Soalan 14 ~ Missing ?
Home, family and a shoulder to cry on~~
Soalan 15 ~ What are you thinking about right now ?
Tomorrow's exam
Soalan 16 ~ Favourite colour ?
Black and Red; but recently suke giler red...
Soalan 17 ~ Love ?
Accepting someone for who they are, how their mind work and how their heart feels; flaws included..
Soalan 18 ~ So who wants to share their one ? how about ?
Nina.
and sape2 nk buat n ada masa nk buat...
Soalan 1 ~ Where is your cell phone ?
Depan mata... Waiting for certain 'someone' to reply mesej...
Soalan 2 ~ Relationship ?
Single and probably would be for quite some time~~
Soalan 3 ~ Your Hair ?
Black
Soalan 4 ~ Work ?
Student? It's a lot of work...
Soalan 5 ~ Your sister ?
2 younger sisters
Soalan 6 ~ your favourite thing ?
my bed~~
Soalan 7 ~ Your dream last night ?
hmm.... don't remember
Soalan 8 ~ Your favourite drink ?
tea, cocoa, ikut mood
Soalan 9 ~ Your dream car ?
something cool n stylish.... cam Toyota Corolla Axio ke?
Soalan 10 ~ Your shoes ?
my comfortable flat sneakers; can't go wrong with it....
Soalan 11 ~ Your fears ?
cockroach; had always been this particular animal.
losing someone unexpectedly....
Soalan 12 ~ What do you want to be after 10 years ?
Successful job, loving family, happy life; isn't everybody wish for this?
Soalan 13 ~ Who did you hang out with last weekend ?
This week is a better choice I think..
Friday ; Went to Vogel Park and Ice Skating with Matsuerians..
Saturday; free sushi with Mimie and Japanese teacher...
Sunday; On my bed with myself (Loving it!!)
Soalan 14 ~ Missing ?
Home, family and a shoulder to cry on~~
Soalan 15 ~ What are you thinking about right now ?
Tomorrow's exam
Soalan 16 ~ Favourite colour ?
Black and Red; but recently suke giler red...
Soalan 17 ~ Love ?
Accepting someone for who they are, how their mind work and how their heart feels; flaws included..
Soalan 18 ~ So who wants to share their one ? how about ?
Nina.
and sape2 nk buat n ada masa nk buat...
Saturday, February 20, 2010
~My Dojo Atsushi~
Have you ever found the person whose personality is the exact same one with you only they're a bit older and had been through a few years of life before you? I'm talking about Kasahara Iku and Dojo Atsushi from Toshokan Sensou (Library War). So, I'll start by introducing these two people. Kasahara Iku is a new member of this library protecting army kinda thing. And Dojo is her instructor, Kasahara is known for her hot headed behavior and recklessness. As the story unfold, Dojo used to be EXACTLY like her only since he was like 3 years older than her so he had been through everything and matured. In the anime, it shows how he care for her since she reminded him of himself when he was young(er) and how he couldn't ignore her no matter how much they fought and how angry she had made him. And the ending of course a very very happy ending. I REALLY like this anime. It's a serious one, you can tell when the title has the word 'WAR' but I watched it because I want to see what will happen to this couple. They're so SWEET and I want a guy like him!!! He's so supportive of her and since she's EXACTLY like his old self, he know just what to say and what to do. He's both strict and gentle; according to the situation. I LOVE him!!!! I want a guy like him!!! I want my version of Dojo Atsushi!
Anyway, since I watched this anime, I've been dreaming of finding the same guy; the one whose older with a personality just like me. I didn't know that that guy was so close and so near until one day we talked and he told me about the times when he was young(er) and he said when he looked at me, he was reminded of himself when he was young(er). I never expected him to be just like me since now he has the opposite personality of me (like night and day). Now I know how Kasahara Iku felt when she was told Dojo used to be exactly like her. It was overwhelming and kinda mindblowing to know that I might end up like him. Anyway, I've found the guy for me like Dojo to Kasahara, I've found my Dojo Atsushi but unlike this couple, he's just not the one for me. Now I know what people mean when they say be careful with what you wish for/ sometimes what you wish for isn't what you need/ really want. Yes, what I wished for is not what I need but I'm glad to find someone whose personality exactly like mine and I have a rough idea what will happened if worst come to worst. =P
So, here's a few pics from Toshokan Sensou; my fav pic of Kasahara and Dojo. =D
Anyway, since I watched this anime, I've been dreaming of finding the same guy; the one whose older with a personality just like me. I didn't know that that guy was so close and so near until one day we talked and he told me about the times when he was young(er) and he said when he looked at me, he was reminded of himself when he was young(er). I never expected him to be just like me since now he has the opposite personality of me (like night and day). Now I know how Kasahara Iku felt when she was told Dojo used to be exactly like her. It was overwhelming and kinda mindblowing to know that I might end up like him. Anyway, I've found the guy for me like Dojo to Kasahara, I've found my Dojo Atsushi but unlike this couple, he's just not the one for me. Now I know what people mean when they say be careful with what you wish for/ sometimes what you wish for isn't what you need/ really want. Yes, what I wished for is not what I need but I'm glad to find someone whose personality exactly like mine and I have a rough idea what will happened if worst come to worst. =P
So, here's a few pics from Toshokan Sensou; my fav pic of Kasahara and Dojo. =D
The Team
Kasahara's first impression of Dojo
Kasahara Iku; the heroine. I like her~~
Cool!!!!! Kakkoi!!!! Men in uniform are so cool~~
A routine; fighting
Another level of fighting
Fighting again..
So funny~~
Sweet~~
The sweetest ending!!!! Love it!!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
~~Beautiful Disaster~~
He drowns in his dreams
An exquisite extreme, I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
If I tried to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
Just ain't right
I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?
His magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight, hold on tight
I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy, hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of a miracle
Waiting so long
So long
He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end; he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
An exquisite extreme, I know
He's as damned as he seems
And more heaven than a heart could hold
If I tried to save him
My whole world could cave in
It just ain't right
Just ain't right
I don't know
I don't know what he's after
But he's so beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
And if I could hold on
Through the tears and the laughter
Would it be beautiful?
Or just a beautiful disaster?
His magic and myth
As strong as what I believe
A tragedy with
More damage than a soul should see
And do I try to change him
So hard not to blame him
Hold on tight, hold on tight
I'm longing for love and the logical
But he's only happy, hysterical
I'm waiting for some kind of a miracle
Waiting so long
So long
He's soft to the touch
But frayed at the end; he breaks
He's never enough
And still he's more than I can take
He's beautiful
Such a beautiful disaster
Friday, February 5, 2010
~Storm~
Finished my final presentation for my research last week, sent the thesis yesterday. Fuh~~ What a relief... NOT. Despite finishing the thing that had taken my whole time for these past 6 months?, I'm still buzy and the defination of buzy here is catching up with dateline for more reports and more preseantation and to top it of, I still have exams for the next 3 weeks which is very important for my graduation. I dare not to think about graduation until these exams are over. But of course, the world doesn't revoleve around me and according to my pace so, I would have to deal with a lot more things while facing exams and reports. And since I'm such a nice person, I've got myself an extra work by volunteering to help the 3rd year student with their exams and volunteered to make notes for them to study. I'm too nice, I should just let them be but I couldn't and I won't. I have to admite I have a soft spot for people who work hard to achieve what they want; one of the reaason why I used to like that particular person when I first came here. Let's keep that story for some other day.
Great!!! You think you could have some rest after the storm was over but there's still a lot of storms coming my way. Here we go, again. Will I last through all these? I know I will. Because despite these february fever (a cute name that I gave to this whole buzy things), I've managed to find the silver lining. We have about a month before the semester come to an end and the spring holiday starts. And this is my last month here in this college. And somehow people are starting to treasure these last moments. People are nicer, happier and more friendly than usual. I think everyone can understand why; when the end is coming, people stop and treasure what they currently have. Typical human behavior. =D
Which I appreciate since I'm doing the same too. In fact, I think this could be the 'recipe' for maintaining a good relationship with everyone. Ever seen the movies where the hero/ heroin only realized how important a person is until they lost them (death etc). But in the movies, they get to get back to their current life with the new knowledge; we can't. So, we just have to skip the whole 'going to our future life' and just started thinking about the importance of the people in our life despite their annoying habits or what they had done.
This is my way of deciding if I want/need/ should hate/ignore someone or not. Warning for the extremeness of my thoughts. So, before I decided to hate someone, I think like this; if this person dies, will I be sad or will I regret not spending more time with him/ her or will I regret not treating him/her better? Extreme, right? I know but it works for me. So, if the answer is you will regret it or you will be sad, then you know what to do; APPRECIATE THEM!!!!! If the answer is Nah, I'll be fine/ I'll live then you can hate/ignore them. Most of the time the answer is you will be sad so you will end up not hating so many person in your life which I think is a good thing for stress. =)
Great!!! You think you could have some rest after the storm was over but there's still a lot of storms coming my way. Here we go, again. Will I last through all these? I know I will. Because despite these february fever (a cute name that I gave to this whole buzy things), I've managed to find the silver lining. We have about a month before the semester come to an end and the spring holiday starts. And this is my last month here in this college. And somehow people are starting to treasure these last moments. People are nicer, happier and more friendly than usual. I think everyone can understand why; when the end is coming, people stop and treasure what they currently have. Typical human behavior. =D
Which I appreciate since I'm doing the same too. In fact, I think this could be the 'recipe' for maintaining a good relationship with everyone. Ever seen the movies where the hero/ heroin only realized how important a person is until they lost them (death etc). But in the movies, they get to get back to their current life with the new knowledge; we can't. So, we just have to skip the whole 'going to our future life' and just started thinking about the importance of the people in our life despite their annoying habits or what they had done.
This is my way of deciding if I want/need/ should hate/ignore someone or not. Warning for the extremeness of my thoughts. So, before I decided to hate someone, I think like this; if this person dies, will I be sad or will I regret not spending more time with him/ her or will I regret not treating him/her better? Extreme, right? I know but it works for me. So, if the answer is you will regret it or you will be sad, then you know what to do; APPRECIATE THEM!!!!! If the answer is Nah, I'll be fine/ I'll live then you can hate/ignore them. Most of the time the answer is you will be sad so you will end up not hating so many person in your life which I think is a good thing for stress. =)
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