2012 and 31

Yesterday me, Mimie and our juniro Chong went to Saty. We were on a mission to watch the new movie; 2012. We heard high credit about this movie so we decided to watch it. We went out at about 9.30 and reached there around 10. The movie started at 10. After buying popcorns and drinks (must have), we entered the screen and watched it. I LOVE it!!! It was full with thrill and suspense and a lot of sad scenes and some brilliant jokes. I cried most of the time; it was very touching and impressive. The CG was first class and everything seem so real that you could actually imagine how scary it will be if such thing really happened. The three of us were very satisfied with the movie.

   After watching the movie, we gave ourself a treat from 31. (Here in Japan, Baskin Robin is called 31). I ordered Double Sundae; Chocolate and Caramel Ribbon with Chocolate Topping. God,  I LOVE chocolate!!!! And the combination with Caramel Ribbon is NICE~~ After walking around anf bought some stuff, we went back. It was a very nice day out; the COMPANY is nice, the MOVIE was satisfiying, the TREAT was delicious; it was PERFECT!! A short get away before facing the 'sure to be hell' exam week starting next week. -_- 

Rambling~

I have a few things I like to ramble today. Read at your own risk...

1) Sesame Street

You must like what? Yes, Sesame Street. I think everyone know what Sesame Street is. For people who doesn't know, Sesame Street is a television programme for kids; using muppets as the main characters. I literally grew up watching Sesame Street and I even watch it up until certain age. (let that be a secret=)) Long story short, while I was browsing the Net at my lab (I was bored, ok?) I came across Sesame Street Top 10 Best Scene. I watched it and it just brings back memories. I LOVE Cookie Monster and I DON'T understand why people like Elmo so much. I also like Ernie and Bert and I STILL think Big Bird is kinda scary. Some thing doesn't change~~

2)Incapability To R&R (Realize and React)

I know I'm complicated; I don't even understand myself. But I don't ask people to understand me, I just want people to show that they care, once in a while is enough. And I become very frustrated when people act like nothing had happened; like nothing matters. Argh!!! Guys (yes, I'm talking about guys if you haven't notice..) and their insensitivity!!!! Just drive me crazy!! How could you act like nothing happened when the biggest thing in history just happened in front of your eyes???!!!! COME UP! WAKE UP!!! REALIZE AND REACT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I needed that~~

3) Love Test

My sister told me about a Love Test on Facebook. I tried it and it was very interesting. The questions doesn't seem related with the result but when you think carefully, they do have some significance.

My result;
a) You don't easily fall in love----> I don't? I think I do.....
b) You give 0% but expect 100%------> NO!!!!!! I expect a lot, yes but I don't mind giving too
c) You like to avoid problems -----> BINGO! I like running till I can't run anymore from probs
d) You like to see him(bf) a lot------> Hell yeah! Isn't everyone?
e) You expect him to change for you-----> Now that you mention it... hmmm... probably?
f) You stay in love for a long time------> Yes, my weakness. I can't forget that person unless I don't TALK, SEE and HEAR about them. Twisted? Yes, I know...

4) Autumn

It's autumn in Japan, in Matsue but lately it's been very cold. And there's no comfortable, warm place to run to. During summer, the best place is our lab because it's so cool and nice. But now, it's still cool which is not suitable with the current season. But my lab member, Momi taught me a nice trick. The trick is to open the blind and let an appropriate amount of sunshine in, and just sat inside the pool of sunshine (ひだまり). And boy, it feels good; the warmth is just nice~~ Both of us sat there for quite some time (on the floor) until someone told us we were like cats; bathing in the warm sunshine. I don't hate cats, in fact I LOVE them (SANO!!!! BABY!!!!!) Now I understand the feeling to just lie down and bath the warm sunshine. It feels so good I'm going to do it again tomorrow =D

A Heart Breaking & Mind Wrecking Weekend

The tittle said it all; how I had gone through my weekend. Those close to me might immediately understand why because they know exactly what happened.



On Saturday, we had our foreign students activity; we went to Daisen to watch momiji. It was ok despite a certain annoying person. When we came back, I had to prepare to go to Osaka that night with bus. Ok, fine. I'm tired but I'll live. I'm going to Osaka not to have fun but to take an exam. Ok, fine. I still can go through with it. But then Nina called and tell me something that just made my world fell apart. Her senior; which I had known through her stories from the first time she met him; which I learn to like though I never met him; which I believe with all my heart that he's a very nice person, had died because of an accident. Nina was still in shock so she didn't say much but I cried hard. I cried for his misfortune; I cried for the future he will never see; I cried for his family and friends and mostly I cried because I know how much he meant to Nina; how much his friendship and his kindness meant to Nina.



I cried so much it puzzled me why. I never met this guy, I never even saw his face, all I know about him is stories I heard from Nina; from the first day she met him until the day before he died. Is it just me or it is just normal? I know how it feel to lose someone while the last you saw them was them talking and smiling; being alive. At first it just doesn't make sense. But when the realization sank it; you will cry your heart out; when you realize that they've gone and will NEVER come back again. And I probably cried so hard because I know how it feels; how much it hurts. And he was a very nice person. And when I think about the promises he made; that will NEVER be fufilled, how can I not cry?



Human never learn how to cope with losing; no matter how many time you've gone through it. Losing is never easy; never was. This is hard for me, and I know it's harder for her, but we'll get through this; we will. That is why human forgets; so that the pain will grew numb and slowly forgotten with time. And in this case, nothing can EVER truly heals the pain but time will heal the pain; it will make the pain bearable; and eventually it will help us move on.


If you still remember, yes, after hearing the news, I got on my bus to Osaka, alone. I realized that was the kinda of time when you really want and need someone by your side; just to be there and just to listen to you cry or just listen to your silence. And I did have someone. He wasn't by my side but he stayed with me as long as I wanted. I did called someone before I went out but it was a mistake; now I've realized. But as I sat at the station alone; surrounded by strangers who know nothing about me and my sadness; he called. God knows how grateful I was to be able to just talk to someone; to just cry to someone who care. Thank you for being there for me. You're a true friend; a savior; I can't imagine my life without you~~


In loving memories of Okamoto Kazutoshi (岡本和敏）Though I never met you and never will, I've come to know you as a nice and kind person; a person who was able to light another's day. Someone said a person's value is judged by the tears people cried for them when they died. I don't know how many cried for you, but I know that a perfect stranger had shed tears for your lost; you value that much. Your kindness and memories will never be forgoten; they shall live forever in our memory.

Forgotten Promise

I've been thinking a lot for these past weeks and after a lots of laughter and tears, I've decided to stay. Btw, the 'stay' here doesn't refer to a place; it's more to a feeling so even if you don't understand, don't mind; I'm just rambling my thoughts here; that's how I always sort things out.

Yes, I've decided to stay.. Why? Because I can't imagine myself letting go and I don't wanna be miserable. And I know even if I decided to let go, I will fail trying; I'm not good at letting go especially without a closure. (Again, me rambling; ignore me). So, I'm just gonna stay and just enjoy the moment. I'm not gonna worry or think about the future, I'm just gonna live my current life to the fullest and when the time comes and I have to decide; so I will. I'll let the future 'me' handle that problem... (my fav quotes from How I Met Your Mother)

Btw, I LOVE 'How I Met Your Mother'. (Spoilers) I just love how Ted tells his kids about his life. And he had been through a lot of things with people he never expect. It shows how life is very unpredictable and how we should just take it as it comes and enjoy it!


I made my decision after I've watched an episode of Ugly Betty. Yes, I love Ugly Betty. (Spoilers) It's an episode when Betty and Henry decided to date secretly though Henry will be leaving in 5 months to meet his pregnant girlfriend. Betty almost gave up on Henry when Hilda said if she were given one more day with Santos(her dead husband), she will take even she know she will cry and be heartbroken after that. OMG!!! What she said when deep into my heart; it's something I've almost forgot.

There's a song I love. It's by Ronan Keating, If Tomorrow Never Comes. "Coz I've lost loved ones in my life; who'll never know how much I love them. Now I live with those regret that my true feelings for them never were revelaed. So I made a promise to myself; to say each day how much she means to me.. "

This is the exact same promise I've made to myself the last time I've lost my loved ones. Even until now I couldn't stop regretting that I've couldn't done more for them, I could've be kinder, I could've be more patient, I could've be angry lesser, I could've smile and laugh more and just enjoy the moment when they were by my side; no matter how hard the times were. And believe me when I say those kinda regret never fade; especially when you remember the times you had with them. 'If only I...... at that time...' So I've decided not to hesitate or to be shy to show how much I care, how much I love. People might say I'm too open, too straight-forward. But they don't realize how short our lives is. Our lives is too short to be shy to say I LOVE YOU, too short to just watch the person you like walk by instead saying hi, too short to just ignore them instead of just to look at them and feel how much you love them, too short to hold your tongue instead of telling them how they've been on your mind; to short to just NOT doing anything!

I've forgotten about that promise. And watching Betty last night; it just reminded me about what I've promised myself. To show how much they means to me, to show how much I love them, to show how precious they are to me; everything I could do so that they would know how much I care about them and how I feel about them.

That's why I've decided to stay; to hold on; no matter how twisted I will be, no matter how hard I will cry and no matter how heartbroken I will be later.I can't let go. This moment is to precious for me to just walk away. I know I will get hurt, I know I will be heartbroken but at the same time, I can look back and say "I've done everything I could. Altough things turned out to be like this, I have NO regret"

Should I Stay?

Ever got the feeling that you don't belong to that one place? No matter how you like it and no matter how much your heart wish to stay; you can't (for a lot of reasonable and not so reasonable reasons)... You want to; with all your heart but you know you can't... What do you do if you're in that kinda situation? Will you let go? Can you ever let go? Will you stay? And can you stay without ever having the same doubts again? The biggest problem in my life; solve it and you hit the jackpot~~

In Bleach (Episode 160 I think), (warning: spoilers ahead!!!!) there's this one episode about Rukia and Kaien. Rukia was having doubt about where she should truly be.. She was worried about where she truly stand when she first entered 13th squad. Then she (Rukia) became close with her superior, Kaien and the thought escaped from her lips and he heard: Why am I even here? He started by asking what she thinks about heart. She showed her chest; where our heart is. But then he said that he thinks heart is found between two person. He said "When two person come in contact with each other; a heart is born for the first time. Heart is not inside our body. When we think of something, or care about someone, that is when our hearts are born. If you were the only person in the entire world. There's nothing to worry about. If you wish with all your heart to stay here, then your heart will remain here. If your heart is here, then that is the reason why you should be here."

Deep isn't it? His reply was so deep that it made me feel like it was the answer to the big question; he hit the jackpot (sorta). The big question: Do I truly belong here? If so why can't I truly feel happy from my heart? Why the doubts and worry about do I belong here crept into my heart from time to time? Those are Rukia's doubts and they were the same as mine. And his answer cleared up everything. I watched this episode when I was having the 'where do i really belong' doubts and it really went deep inside of me. What he said practically solve my problem(sorta). He used the word 'heart' but I think he was referring to heart as bond between people. It all make sense!!! If I wish with all my heart to stay here, then this is where I should be...

But it still doesn't solve my problem. I want to stay, with all my heart. But should I? And even if I decide to let go, will I ever be able to do so? They said when you love something let it go, if it comes back; it's yours, if not; it never was.. Bla bla bla.. I think that's B******T. The biggest problem is letting go, for God sake! Even if you think you've let go, are you really? That's not letting go, that's just driving yourself crazy and miserable.

Just like the movies, the hero let go of the heroin; he walked out of her life. But then he was miserable, isn't he? He lives but he's not happy. He's far away from her but he never stop thinking about her. How's that not miserable?? But of course, all movies have happy ending which means she will come to find him and they will live happily ever after; which does NOT work in real life. If you did the same thing, believe me, you woud be miserable on your own unless you wake up and started to LIVE your own life, not the miserable life of remembering his/her!!

What is letting go? Can we really let go of something just like that? Can we able to say that we never regret our choices of letting go? Can you ever let go without having a closure? And what can you do if you can't get one? Do you stay or do you what? move on? Will you be happy if you let go or would you be happy if you stay? That's the million dollar question, isn't it? I don't think anyone could give a immediate answer when I ask; SHOULD I STAY?

~~My Mister~~

My 'Mister' is my way of calling the guy I'm waiting. He could be my future boyfriend and hopefully my future husband. To me other names like Mr. Perfect or Prince Charming are a little bit cheesy for my own liking so I would prefer 'My Mister'. But I think you know and understand the meaning. All girls wait for their Mr.Perfect@ Prince Charming and I'm waiting for 'my Mister'.

Writing about love quotes yesterday really made me wonder who will be 'my Mister' and what kind of person he is... And though I haven't meet him yet (I think), I would really love it if he actually have these '11 Things ABout My Mister'.... Read through and tell me what you think~~

1. He understand my joke and would laugh at it no matter how stupid it is (vice versa)
* There is no bigger turn-off when I made a joke (purposely) and he just stared back at me; not understanding and not laughing. I have to admit a certain level of understanding is needed before people can see through my jokes (mostly black jokes) and nothing made me feel happier than to hear the laughter errupted from what I said~~

2. He doesn't smell (bad smell in particular)
* I have a very sensitive nose which I got from my Ibu and I'm very sensitive to smell/ odor/scent etc. And I hate a person that smells bad because their problem with cleanliness. (Seriously, I can tell..) It's hard to satisfy my nose but a neutral smell (no smell) or a nice not too strong perfume/deodorant/ cologne is just nice~~ I'm not exaggerating when I say; most of the time, I identify people by the way they smell... Some might think this is gross, but this is the way I am and I'm proud with my sense of smell....

3. He knows everything
* I've always admired my Ayah because he seemed like he knows about everything. He never said 'I don't know' whenever I ask him questions. And I really like it when he tell me trivial things. And I do hope my 'Mister' could do the same. Some trivial facts told between silly jokes and daily conversation; nothing can beat that. Learning never cease no matter how old we get~~

4. He knows when to let me go and when to catch me whenever I fall
* Many said they would like their 'Mister' to catch them when they fall. But sometimes I think people need to fall so that they could get up and learn from their fall. And I would really like my 'Mister' to catch me when I fall. But he too should know when to let me fall then help me pick up myself... When to do which might be a little difficult but if he really know about me; then he should be able to tell~~

5. He doesn't hesitate to use 'tough love'
* 22 years old now but I still act like a child especially when I'm stressed or doesn't get what I want. And I would like him to be able to say 'NO' and to tell me when I'm wrong. I may be mad and sulked around for a while ( a night of sleep to think) but I will eventually get around when I realize what is right and what is wrong. I didn't become 22 for nothing; I can be rational. But it takes time for me to realize the right thing and some more time to admit I was wrong.

6. He should be patient
* I still act like a kid if i don't get what I want, I have my moods from my pms (pre and post). And I usually say what I think; mostly without thinking of the consequences and I usually don't mean the horrible things I sometimes say. My 'Mister' should understand that this is what I am and accept me for what I am. I'll try to change for the better but he will have to be very very 'PATIENT'. Sorry~~

7. He must be older than me (maturity problems)
* Only now I know why Ibu put the 5 years min age diffrence. Age sometimes can be just numbers but age is also the numbers that showed how long you've lived; how well you know life. I've always thought myself as a mature person but now I know how wrong I am; never was. And my 'Mister' must be mature for me; to point out my mistakes, to show me the right way and to give me advices. And even it's hard for me to admit it; numbers in our age does show our maturity. Of course, he doesn't have to be 5 years older than me; enough to be a little bit older on the age but a lot older on the maturity~~

8. He knows when to speak and when to shut up
* I like to listen to people talking. But there's time when I just want nothing but silence. And I would appreciate it if he could talk crazy when I want to listen and just shut up and leave me alone when I want silence. Again, he have to understand me quite well to know when to do which. Ganbatte~~

9. He's a bit on the 'off' side
* I know you were like what???. But yes, I do prefer a guy who's a LITTLE BIT weird and quirky. It adds up spice to our boring life. We are all a little weird and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness.It's like icing on a cake; just a proper dose is enough. Too much or too little will keep you away. People around me know what my fav type of guy and it is NOT the handsome fashionable guys(Ex. Johnny's guys). My type of guys are usually guys with glasses (spectacles). Usually when I showed him to my friend (you know who you are~~), she would like 'Tak hensem pun~~" I know but somehow I'm attracted to those type of guys. What am I to say when my heart made all the decision??

10. He's willing to hear me out
* There's a lot "Follow my lead!!!" kinda guys. I don't think it's bad and I am willing to follow. But whether they listen to you when you think they're wrong is what differs them. I would like my Mister to listen to my opinion or POV before deciding on something. In the end, he might not listen to me (I'll get mad at that later) but his willingness to just stop and listen is what makes him special. Don't you think so?

11. He respects me as a person, as a woman, as a friend and as an equal
*No matter how educated he is, how smart he is or how perfect he is, everything will turn to zero when he looks down on you. And despite my wrong and my flaws, I would like him to accept me for who I am, see my good rather than my flaws and respect me for the person I am. And I will definately do the same~~

There! I've said it! It's so good to get it out from my system. Haha.. I'm not looking for a perfect guy; I'm looking for the one perfect guy for me. I know he's somewhere; maybe we've already met and maybe he's nearby. And if he could see me as who I am and still likes me, I promise I would do the same~~

I'm Still Happy But......

Today, we; me, mimie n our kouhais(juniors) went to celebrate (uchiage) since we made 'some' money during Kousensai last time. We went to Joyful (our fav restaurant), ate all our heart want and after that we went for karaoke. We went out at 11 in the morning and came back around 8. How's that for a day out?? =D

Btw, today's Japan public holiday; Culture Day. And today is my sister, Athirah's birthday!!! How that for a birthday? Your birthday is a public holiday~~ Haha... Happy Birthday Sis!!! May all your wishes come true though I doubt it would happen, I still pray for it. Another year gained meaning more heartaches and heartbreaks but some happiness and victory. Wish yours is equally even or more to the good side.... Whatever happens, always remember the things you still got instead of the things you've lost and the things gained from the pain and the things learned from the happiness~~

Today is such a nice day; I really had fun with everyone. Thank you everyone~~
But everything went down the drain when a stupid sponteneous action of mine turned out to be... STUPID and need I say more? The result is HIDEOUS. I'm still trying to repair the damage which I doubt I would able to do in a short time. Oh, boy!!!! This week's gonna be ugly.... But of course with some miracle, and if the world is a kinder place than I thought, then there will be slight chance that everything will be ok... Please be OK!!! I need this so much!! This is something I just couldn't give up even if I break~~

Okay.... I've picked up some quotes which I like... (about age, love, friendship etc...)
Tell me what you think and which one you found cute or deep etc~~

~from our birthday, until we die, is but the winking of an eye
*love this one!! so true and the choice of words are just up to my taste~~)

~knowledge speaks but wisdom listens
*deep indeed~~

~being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
*I have doubt about this one...

~ the heart has reasons that reasons does not understand
*I agree 120%; sometimes what our heart want and what our mind think we should have; is not the same thing~~

~the sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love
*So true!!! Love is a roller coaster ride that you didn't even decide to ride

~it is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
*So true; they do say-->Make new friends and keep the old, one is silver and the other gold

~true happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice
*Just what I'm doing. I might not have many friends but I know which one's a true one~~

~if you judge people, you have no time to love them
*i'm trying~~

~a real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out
*I would do the same for the one who had been through my thick and thin..

~what makes a man a man? A friend of mine once wondered. Is it his origins? The way he comes to life? I don't think so. It's the choices he makes. Not how he starts things, but how he decides to end them.
*My brother told me he likes it; it's from Hellboy. And I do think it's kinda nice~~

~gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love
* I seriously think Newton will agree to this =D

~how on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love
*most of the time, feelings can't be explain with numbers, equations etc: it's the matter of the heart =3

~it doesn't matter who you love, or how you love, but that you love
*no matter what, the first step in everything is to try; so does love I think....

~do you love me because I am beautiful,or am I beautiful because you love me?"
* I'm saving this to say to my 'Mister' ^_~

~LOVE: The irresistable desire to be irresistibly desired
*Complicated but I like it; it's true~~

~my grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn.
* And we can never stop licking no matter how many times we got hurt, right? =D

~when you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams
* EXACTLY what I'm thinking today!!!! In the end, dreams are just dreams no matter how beautiful and sweet it it!! Reality sucks but I rather have it than having something unreal~~

~If you love someone you would be willing to give up everything for them, but if they loved you back theyd never ask you to.
*So true!!!! But when we love them, so we give them things to show a token of our love and appreciation~~

~We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.
*I'll definately say this when I meet my 'Mister' =3

~I get the best feeling in the world when you say hi or even smile at me because I know, even if its just for a second, that I've crossed your mind.
*Agreed!!! Been there, done that (still there, still doing that).. Haha

~To the world you are one person, but to one person you are the world
*Again, something I would definately say to my 'Mister' =3