Growing Up

I've always known that I, we, all of us will have to grow up one day. During my life in and out as a student, going to school, going back from school, doing reports, facing exams and tons of other stuff, it's easy to lose track of time. Only some time when the day slowed down, on a weekend or holidays when I sat down, alone doing nothing, only then I realized how long I had come, how I've grown up and the most dreadful thing, how my parents, my Ibu to be precise is growing old as well.

It's nature's way, we grow up and so does our parents, they grow old. But I didn't realize it, not really. I know my Ibu was growing old but the truth had never hit me as hard as right now. She's alone in our house, my siblings are all studying away. My sister in Melaka, another one in Arau, my brother in SP and the other one in Teluk Intan. And I'm here in Japan, far far away from home. Others might still have both their parents but I only got one and I can't imagine how's Ibu spends her time. Good thing she's still working and good thing Iris and Sano are still back home, I truly hope that somehow they could replace us in that home, maybe not entirely but at least a little. God, I truly hope they are enough to at least ease her loneliness. Of course, she never said anything about being lonely and she always say she's fine but I know how lonely it could get when you're on your own and it's not a great feeling.

I'm happy being able to study in Japan, experience new things, living in a different cultures but there's not a day that I hope that I'm in Malaysia instead, by my mother's side. It tears me inside, I'm living my dream, I'm happy for that but at the same time I hope that I'm not living my dream and instead just stay back home.

There's Skype, there's the phone, there's the Net but nothing can compare to the feeling of actually being there, back in home. The smell of my own home, the familiar framed pictures on the wall, the dusty closet in the bedroom, the unorganized books, the way my body instantly relaxed when I got through the door and just about everything in the house I called home. And there's the people in it. Our family might seemed weird and queer to others but damn it, I love my family and I couldn't and wouldn't wish for any other. We might be chatty, we might talk and laugh loudly, we might seemed weird but God, I love my family. We're close, we make fun of each others, we laugh at each other, we argue and quarrel, we bullied each other, we talk while eating, we never go anywhere without each other, we're WEIRD but I love every bits of it. And I love my mother, more than anything in this world. And it kills me not being able to be with her by her side. I cannot wait for my studies to be over and head back home.

In case you're wondering, yes, I am homesick.

Dear Enemy

As some might already know, Dear Enemy is the sequel to Daddy Long Legs, both novels by the brilliant Jean Webster. My interest in classic literature featuring intelligent and independent women started after I start reading Jane Austen’s novels. Then I pried for more novels with the same theme and found Daddy Long Legs. I read it last summer and loved it very much. And I think it was a very original idea to build a story just based on letters, one sided letters; it satisfies us enough but still keeps us wondering what exactly happened.






I found out later that there is a sequel to Daddy Long Legs; Dear Enemy but the book is not in our library. The title alone sparked interest in me since I assumed the story is still about Judy and wondered what happened between her and Jervis that made them enemies. Of course I just had to find out  found a great website that have free ebooks. And the first one I looked for was Dear Enemy and they have it. Yay!!!

I read it and finished it in one night. Now I know what the novel is all about. It was diffrent from what I had expected but I was satisfied. Even when the novel was about a new character, Sallie McBride, after finishing reading it, I was left with the same warm, fuzzy, giddy, content feeling inside me; the very same feeling I had when I finished Daddy Long Legs. But this time, it was somewhat more, satisfying. And I have to say I like Dear Enemy better than Daddy Long Legs for some reasons.


First, I can relate more to Sallie than Judy since my own personality is more like Sallie than Judy. Unlike Judy who was more strong willed and mild tempered, I’m more like Sallie who might not be as strong willed but can be so if she had her heart set on something and with her short temper.

 Second, Dear Enemy involved more complicated emotions regarding the evolution of hatred/dislike to love/concern unlike Daddy Long Legs that involved emotions from something unknown; probably curiosity into love. And the emotions in Dear Enemy are so much deeper and so much darker. Maybe because Sallie was very honest with her feelings inside her letters since she was confiding her best friend.


Third, I personally like Sandy a.k.a Robin McRae (I REALLY like the doctor's nickname) than Jervis and it’s truly a personal preference. Jervis is a good man but I prefer Sandy. Who could resist an enigmatic man who is actually wounded and battered by his harsh past?


Fourth, I laughed so much more when I read Dear Enemy. Sally can be very funny with her blunt and witty words but with her heart in the right place; it’s just impossible not to love her and enjoy the bickering and misunderstandings she had with the gloom doctor.



Fifth, Dear Enemy addressed the matter of marriage so much more seriously than Daddy Long Legs. Maybe because the setting was after the women graduated from college but it was so much more realistic. Judy married Jervis and they lived happily without problems while Sally had to struggle with the asylum, the children and her own family and future.


The biggest reason is probably because I personally long for the kind of relationship such as Sally and Sandy since I am quite the person with my own charm; i.e sarcasm and bluntness. So I guess I would appreciate someone that wouldn’t affected (much) by those and is able to see beyond those.Hope I can find my own 'Dear Enemy' one day~~~ 


I’ve gathered some classic novels and I will be spending my winter holiday going through them. I haven’t decided yet what I wanted to read first but I have a few titles in mind.


p/s : Oh, John Anderson, my jo!!!!!


p/s2: And there’s nothing wrong with reading classic literature for fun!

Lessons I've Learnt From 'How To Train Your Dragon'

*Warning: Rambling. Read at your own risk*
*Warning: Spoilers for the movie*

I've watched 'How To Train Your Dragon' last summer but it was blury and all so it didn't get to me as much as yesterday when I watched it in high quality, in the comforting solitude of my dark room and my trusted laptop. Needless to say, the movie blew me away (for the second time). How cute is Toothless? And how funny is Hiccup with his sarcastic and witty remark? Love them! And of course since I'm a fan of Gerard Butler, I just love his voice as Stoick, Hiccup's father. Lo....ve it~~

Anywho, the lesssons I have learnt from this movie is not exactly about dragons and viking but more like about relationships between people.  I know the movie title is ‘How To Train Your Dragon’ not ‘How To Be In A Relationship’ but watching this movie reminds me that the relationships featured in the movies is very much like relationships in our daily life, if you watch really closely. So, let me break my opinion down for you.. 

Ok, picture yourself as Hiccup and Toothless as someone new in your life, someone you just met and started to get acquianted. When Hiccup met Toothless, he was so afraid of it and so did Toothless; of the unknown. But they learnt that they both shared the same curiosity and interest to know each other. Same goes when we meet a new person. We're practically started with being strangers and we gradually started to know each other despite being scared/afraid/nervous/unsure when we first meet them.


Then Hiccup and Toothless get along, not really well at first. But with effort from both sides, they managed to know what the other like or hate. Like the time Toothless drew lines on the ground and Hiccup stepped on his drawing and Toothless snarled. It’s the same application with relationship. We will step on someone’s boundaries or tick them off by doing something that they don’t like/hate. Then Hiccup realized why Toothless was snarling and he realized the reason why Toothless was so upset. Same goes with relationships; we learnt from our mistakes and learnt new things. Then Hiccup learnt more about Toothless, what he likes and what he hates and what made him angry and what made him purr. Same goes in real life.



Then Hiccup realized that Toothless is not perfect, he lost half his wing tail. And Hiccup tried to filling up the gaps with his handmade wing. After that, it took them quite some time out of trial and error to figure out how to make things work. In real life, we will find out our partner new friend/partner/acquinatance/bf/gf/etc is not perfect and will be with flaws, lots of them. And we will do the right thing by accepting it and try to fill the gaps. And the both of uswill try and try and try again until we get it right to make things work. Note that I use the word ‘fill up’ and not ‘fix’ with Hiccup and Toothless. Same goes for us, we can’t fix our partner and etc to be the way we want them to be, we can only fill what was missing and it won’t be as good but it will work, with both our efforts. Just like Hiccup and Toothless.






Then when the people around them found out about Toothless and Hiccup, we can learn a few things based on their reactions. In this case, Astrid found out. Let’s say Astrid is someone quite important in our life, say a good friend. When the good friend found out that the two of you are getting closer, they would start going protective over you or worst, jealousy. And we will feel torn apart between our partner (from now on, let's refer to this new person in our life as our partner) and our friend; that is normal. Like Hiccup with Toothless and Astrid. Bear in mind, our partner and friend will most probably start off with the wrong feet and will probably hate each other for some time. But then the friend and our partner will learn about each other; just like they did with us and they will see what we see. Just like how Astrid saw how Toothless is not so bad and vice versa.


Then, came in the family. In the movie, the family is Hiccup’s father, Stoick. He was very protective of Hiccup from Toothless since he has a prejudice and doubt and distrust towards Toothless. The same goes in our family. Our father @ mother @ siblings @ all of the above will dislike our partner when they meet them for the first time especially when they are not quite ready for the ‘meeting’. Especially a surprise one, like in the movie and seeing us covering/protecting/ backing up our partner is just going to spark the prejudice/doubt/ distrust to a whole new level a.k.a infinity.




In the movie, Stoick took Toothless away from Hiccup. In real life, our family will take us away from our partner or drive them away or at least try to do so. But Hiccup loves Toothless so he went after him. If we really love our partner, we will do the same once we realize that you really need and love your partner and they are worth the trouble. 




So Hiccup went after Toothless. They fought the Giant Dragon and managed to defeat him. Of course in real life there are no giant dragons, or dragons for that matter but let’s think of the giant dragon as a trouble/problem/barrier/issue in life that we both have to face as a couple (or as friends etc). And if we work together with our partner like Hiccup and Toothless, we will get over it. In the movie, Toothless lost half a wing tail and Hiccup lost one of his feet. In real life, we might not lose a body part (well, depending on the situation anyway), but there will be some lost too; emotionally or mentally. But just like Toothless and Hiccups who accept each other’s flaws and helps each other with their problem and just being there while their partner needs them, so do you, we, everyone in relationships. And if we could do so, then we will have an ending like the movie; happy.


But then again, like isn’t the movie and the ending is only THE ENDING so before the end, we might have to repeat the process in the movie a few times, maybe more for some people. But we will learn in time. And with experience, we will be quicker the next time. So, of course you and me are not Hiccup and our partner is not a dragon, but as different as Hiccup, a boy and Toothless, a dragon, so aren’t we, right? Conclusion, people in new relationships ARE like Hiccups and Toothless but we can work it out; with efforts, patience and love.


p/s: I started writing with using 'you' as in adressing the public and not myself but when I think of it, I am in the same situation so I changed into 'we' as in including myself in this whole situation.

p/s2: I would like to read the book to know how the story is told in words. It's just so much diffrent seeing a story formed in words and in images.

Tea Person @ Coffee Person

   Some people like a cup of coffee in the morning to start of the day; coffee person while some like a cup of tea; tea person. I’m a tea person… I prefer a cup of tea to start off my morning; just a plain not too sweet cup of tea. I rarely drink coffee.. Unless when I need the caffeine; the only reason I drink coffee. As much as I hate to admit it, coffee can provide caffeine more than tea. Caffeine is like a stimulant, some kind of drug to my body; up and high when it’s inside. I drink coffee when I need to stay up and alert at night, or get through a morning after going through the whole night with no sleep. Usually the effect of the caffeine would last around 6 to 7 hours. One cup of coffee in the morning and I would be super active and super bright and super cheery; none of the person I should be in the morning because I’m not a morning person. (It’s my daily routine in the morning to wonder how people could be so up and cheery in the morning; with all the bright smiles and excited greetings. It never failed to amaze me and made me grunt grudgingly but that’s for another time.) And when the caffeine had worn off around afternoon, you would find me in a corner like someone who’s having a hangover. I never had any hangover for I don’t drink but I think it’s almost the same from the way from 1) no loud noises 2) no noises at all 3) no bright lights or anything that will stimulate the neurons in your brain or any of your senses. The aftereffect of the caffeine had been and will always be terrible but there are times that I just need it to get through the day. Ergo, it's natural that caffeine intake increases during exam weeks and near deadlines. That’s why I prefer less stimulating and comforting tea for normal days. Tea agrees amiably with my body and even if coffee makes me a highly productive person, I just don’t like it. I’m not a very productive person, I take everything according to my pace and my time and the way caffeine make me wanting everything done at that very time is so not me; because I’m not a coffee person, I’m a tea person. I’m writing this because I was studying through the night and drinking coffee to keep me up. Now I need sleep.....

Bostjan Cesar of Slovenia

Last night I watched the match between England and Slovenia. Of course I’m talking about THE World Cup. I wanted to watch it because of England; because I haven’t seen any of England’s matches. Since I thought it would be nice to see some familiar faces. Believe it or not, I used to be a fan of Manchester United (note the past tense). I used to love Gary Neville. I still do but not as much as before. For some reason, I just do, I don’t know why. But that was then. This was last night’s story. So I watched the match and there were a few familiar faces; Gerard, Lampard, Rooney and Terry. Of course Beckham was by the bench.


I was set to support England. It’s just a thing people do. If you watch a match, you just have to pick a side, right? You can’t not pick a side. It’s just so unfair to be neutral. So I was set to support England but one man; one player changed it all. It was Slovenia’s Number 5 Defender; Bostjan Cesar. Why did I notice this man and why did he manage to make me support Slovenia instead of England which was the only reason I wanted to watch the match?



He’s an admirable player with great sportsmanship. Why? There was this one time when he tackled down England’s Defoe (I think) and Defoe was in pain but the referee ignored it and the match continued. Did you know what Cesar did? He raised his hand and asked for a little time off for Defoe. He kept raising his hand for the referee’s attention although his team had the ball at that time. The referee noticed and the match stopped for a few seconds while Defoe recovered. It wasn’t anything serious or anything but I was impressed. I was impressed with Bostjan Cesar.


It’s World Cup, people!! Player had done more than usually jersey pulling and hard tackle and even used hands to score a goal. It’s the match where man would do almost anything; dirty or not just to have the ball, to get a goal; to win. But this dignified man was sincerely worried about a fellow player and to me, it was admirable and honorable. Maybe I’m just exaggerating but I was touched; after watching match after matches that didn’t really seem fair, his action caught me by the heart. And I immediately switched sides from England to Slovenia; in just a blink. Not that I really support England from the start or anything. Anyway, I supported for Slovenia up to the end. And after the match was over, who knew America managed to get a goal at the very last second. Damn I was frustrated!! I wanted to watch more of Slovenia; I wanted to watch more of Cesar. Sigh~~~


But that’s the result; there’s nothing that can be done about it. But I truly wish that I could see more of Slovenia. But bear in mind that I had found an admirable player; an football player with great sportsmanship. Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m exaggerating. Maybe I saw too much into a one time. Maybe other player did the same thing too. But not when I was watching, not during the England and Slovenia match. That’s why I salute you Bostjan Cesar of Slovenia!!!

Haven't Met You Yet

I love this song 'Haven't Met You Yet' by Michael Buble..
To those who is still waiting for that right person; for 'The One'~~

Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble

**************************************************

I'm not surprised,
Not everything lasts,
I've broken my heart so many times
I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in,
I talk myself out,
I get all worked up,
Then I let myself down,

I tried so very hard not to lose it;
I came up with a million excuses,
I thought I thought of every possibility,

And I know some day that it'll all turn out,
You'll make me work so we can work to work it out,
And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet.

I might have to wait,
I'll never give up,
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck,
Wherever you are,
Whenever it's right,
You'll come outta nowhere and into my life.

And I know that we can be so amazing,
And baby your love is gonna change me,
And now I can see every possibility

They say all's fair
In love and war
But I won't need to fight it,
We'll get it right and,
We'll be united

I said love love love love love love love.....
I just haven't met you yet
Love love love .....
I just haven't met you yet!

~~My Mr. Fireman~~

Mr.Fireman is my best Japanese friend in 高専(college). But he quitted college in May 2009. I was devastated because I thought I could never see him again and everything happened so quickly. I didn't have the chance to say goodbye and see him for the last time. The last time I saw and talked with him was when we headed back together to the dormitory after class. We parted like we usually did; with a wave and 'see you tomorrow'. But I didn't see him the next day or the day after that. Then I got the news that he had quitted (for a reason which it's not my place to tell) and he had left; he had packed all his stuff and left. I heard it from my tutor and I was very shocked. But I managed to keep a cool face in front of my tutor but when I came back to my room, I cried.



Yes, I cried. I cried because I would never see him again, because he didn't even say anything to me; less a goodbye, because it was too sudden to lose someone so important in my life at college; the friend that I finally made. He's a very cheerful and positive person. He makes me smile when I feel down, he makes me laugh just by being himself, he is the only Japanese that I can actually call a good friend. He's a very special person; what we have between us is very special but in a platonic kinda way. He knew how I still feel awkward around his friends n my classmates and he would stay by me, he would talk with me and help me getting into the 'group'/ the 'circle'. Any foreigner who had lived in Japan would know it's really hard to get past the politeness and just be comfortable with them; just be friends with them. And he let me into the circle of his friends. And since most of his friends are my classmate, they didn't have much problem going along well with me. I was so happy; I finally made real friends; not the kinda of friends who you waved and greet but have nothing to say to each other once you're alone.


Anyway, I was DEVASTATED when he left college, without telling me anything; without goodbye. I wanted a closure so I texted him and guess what? He replied with the same energetic, life-is-great tone of his and said we can always meet from time to time and we can text all the time. I wasn't convinced; I've used that line with my old friends before and now I barely have any. But I stayed hopeful and he was right, we stayed friends. We helped me through my toughest time; during the university entrance exam period. It was a routine that I called him before and after the exam; and after I knew the result. I failed two universities and the first was the worst. I called him and cried my heart out. He wasn't affected; I was crying my heart out while he laughed and said I will do better next time and I will surely pass next time. And I felt better than people telling me they were sorry and they wished they could do something for me. I felt better when he laughed and made jokes, weird isn't it?


And after me, it was his time for his exams and interviews to be a fireman. It was a difficult exam and I knew it was hard on him too but when I called and asked, he's always laughing, so energetic and so positive. And I couldn't help smiling and be positive myself when I talk with him. Then he passed the exams; despite people telling him it was impossible, he passed. I was so proud of him. After that, his training started. He was so busy that we rarely talked. And he only replied my text a few days later after I had sent them. But I didn't mind, I know he's busy....


And now, his training is over and he's a real fireman. Putting out fires and saving lives. He's still as busy but he will always find time to call me. Usually he would call after work so our conversation is usually short; I know he's tired so we would talk while he walks from his station to his apartment. Up until today I still can't believe he's a real fireman. But he when talked about what he did that day, how he was down when he couldn't save a person caught in fire, I realized that it's really happening. And I worry about him; a fireman is not an easy job and it involves injuries and worst, death. Just a few days ago he dislocated his shoulder carrying a man out from a burning house. Ouch...


I'm worried for him but the only thing I can do is to pray for his safety. Please, be safe.... He's my good friend and I couldn't imagine my life without him. Life is Japan wouldn't be as exciting and as bearable without you, Mr. Fireman….