Saturday, May 28, 2011

Wanted List Part 1

It's hard finding gifts for people. Especially for me since I want it to be perfect, I want the receiver to be truly happy not just content. Someone told me the key to buying gifts is that something that you want but would neverbuy for yourself. Thus receiving it as a a gift would be a bliss. =)

 Anyway, for my case, it's simple. There's one gift that could never go wrong, one gift that I would never be unhappy to receive; books. But it could go terribly wrong if it's not up to my taste. Ex: Motivation or self help books. Uh, no thank you...

 Since my favorite site to browse during my free time is Amazon, my Wanted List at this site is quite long. Feel free to pick a book if you're planning to give me a gift =P
or if you're searching for a book to read,
or if you had read it, do tell me if it's any good
or for whatever reason you might want to have a look at books.

These are the books that I want to read. Since this list had existed for a long time, sometimes even I forget about the book and as to why I wanted to read it. But it's my own way of keeping track of my past thoughts and interest. =)

My Amazon Wanted List  (欲しいものリスト)

1. Picking Cotton: Our Memoir of Injustice and Redemption by
Jennifer Thompson-cannino, Ronald Cotton, Erin Torneo

*I seriously have no idea about why I wanted to read this book.

2.The Stormchasers by Jenna Blum
* Obviously it's probably about people chasing storms. Maybe a thriller, which just my kind of read. =)

3.Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffenegger
*Something about twins, I think.

4. When Will There be Good News? by Kate Atkinson
*You can tell it's an emotional book from it's title which suits me just fine.

5.Millennium Trilogy; The Girl Who Played with Fire, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson
*The reason why I'm not going to watch the movie; because I haven't read the book.

6.Down River by John Hart
* The Last Child by John Hart was on my list but was checked out. John Hart is good, almost as good as Grisham.

7.How to Be a Mentalist: Master the Secrets Behind the Hit TV Show by Simon Winthrop
*Confession: I was addicted to 'The Mentalist' at this time.

8.BoneMan's Daughters by Ted Dekker
*Thriller

9. Sisters by Danielle Steel
*I love books about sister or siblings, because I love my sisters and my siblings. 

10. The Devil's Teardrop by Jeffery Deaver 
*Probably another thriller

11.Tell No One by Harlan Coben
*Thriller

12.Friend of My Youth by Alice Munro
* I can't remember anything about the book but the author's name is kinda familiar.

13. Hawkes Harbor by S. E. Hinton
*I think there's another book by Hinton in this list. We'll see...

14. Summer Sisters: A Novel by Judy Blume
*Keyword: Sisters. Although it's about friendship.

15.Shattered Silk by Barbara Michaels
*Something about the protagonist found something in the attic.

16. Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck
*New is not always better, Barney. Sorry.

17. The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
*I'm pretty sure it's not just about bees.

18.  Holes by Louis Sachar
*Something about boys digging holes.

19. Paper Towns by John Green
*I have no idea....

20. Hunger Games Trilogy by Suzanne Collins
* I heard it's good. Still don't get the chance to read it.

21.The Road by Cormac McCarthy
*I think there's a movie adaption of this, which I'm not going to see until I've read the book.

22.  No Time for Goodbye by Linwood Barclay
*Thriller, I think

23. Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah
*Crisis between best friends

24. Pomegranate Soup: A Novel by Marsha Mehran
* Iranian sisters finding home in an Irish village

25.  Beauty by Robin McKinley
*From Beauty and the Beast

26. Now and Then by Robert B. Parker
*Thriller

27.Fair and Tender Ladies by Lee Smith
*A story about a woman's journey through life.

28.The Love Letter by Cathleen Schine
*It's not a sappy love novels. I don't read those.

29.Happy All the Time: A Novel by Laurie Colwin
*Friendship, love and problems.

30.  The Last Summer (of You and Me) by Ann Brashares
*Ann Brashares? What else to say?

31. Thirteen Reasons Why by Jay Asher
*I can't never forget this book. I just have to know those thirteen reasons. Soon....

32.  Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac by Gabrielle Zevin
*The word 'teenage' doesn't really catch my attention but when combined with 'amnesiac', well, well, what do we have here?

33. My Legendary Girlfriend by Mike Gayle
* How legendary can she be? Btw, Mike Gayle's books are on my list.

34. How to Breathe Underwater by Julie Orringer
*Not about breathing underwater, obviously.

35.Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex by John Gray
*It's an interesting textbook for people study, right?

36.The Confession by John Grisham
*And some other Grisham's books, but not all.

37. Crossing Oceans by Gina Holmes
*Hmm... No idea.

38. Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King
*Stephen King was my fav author when I was a teenager. Still is....

39. A Scattered Life by Karen Mcquestion
*No idea

40. If Morning Ever Comes by Anne Tyler
*The tittle intrigues me. 

 There's still more to come. If I'm not busy or want to act as if I'm not busy, I'll put up Part 2.... => 

Praying the floor won't fall through, again...

A phrase from Dear John by Taylor Swift
     ....Praying the floor won't fall through, again......

The floor had fallen through underneath me, a couple of times now.
It's not a plesant experience.Imagine walking or running or jumping in happiness, in bliss, in ignorance when suddenly the floor fell through, out of the blue and you are helpless to do anything, nothing to hold onto, nothing to grab, nothing at all when the pain hit you, the unexpected pain that travel to every part of your body.

And you're left breathless, helpless, writhing and desperate for air, for something to make the overwhelming pain, the endless worries and anxiety go away, anything, anything at all that make everything better again.
You cling to everything, anything but sometimes it's just not enough, you have to search deep inside and find strength from inside and from the Almighty.

I myself have had those times. It wasn't a pleasant experience and if I can choose, I wouldn't want to go through it again, nor I would want anyone to go through it, EVER.

But things will get better, they will. Maybe not the way who had wanted them to be, maybe not the way you had seen it or maybe it would take years before you could finally come terms with it but it will get better, as long as you don't give up. Things will get better, one way or another, they will. That's the very beauty of life.

To feel pain or nothing at all?
Some people would say they rather be in pain than feeling nothing but the big question it, are we ever ready for the pain?
For when the floor fall through, nothing, nothing in this world could prepare you for the pain.....
But you will just have to get through and pray with all your heart that a better tomorrow will be waiting.

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Weight of The World

Wht do you do when you feel the weight of the world of your shoulder?
Not just your world, but others too; weighing you down, almost crippling you.
I am willing to carry that weight for others, because I care, because I do, sincerely care.
But what do you do when you feel that the weight is too much?
You stay strong, settled the upcoming obstacles one by one and along the way, you share the weight with someone else and it will be better, so much better, I promise....

A small part of 'Breathe' by Ryan Star.


she's fine, most of the time
she takes her days with a smile

she moves like dancing in light

spinning around to the sound

sometimes she falls down

breathe, just breathe

take the world off your shoulders

and put it on me

breathe, just breathe

let the life that you lead

be all that you need

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Growing Up

I've always known that I, we, all of us will have to grow up one day. During my life in and out as a student, going to school, going back from school, doing reports, facing exams and tons of other stuff, it's easy to lose track of time. Only some time when the day slowed down, on a weekend or holidays when I sat down, alone doing nothing, only then I realized how long I had come, how I've grown up and the most dreadful thing, how my parents, my Ibu to be precise is growing old as well.

It's nature's way, we grow up and so does our parents, they grow old. But I didn't realize it, not really. I know my Ibu was growing old but the truth had never hit me as hard as right now. She's alone in our house, my siblings are all studying away. My sister in Melaka, another one in Arau, my brother in SP and the other one in Teluk Intan. And I'm here in Japan, far far away from home. Others might still have both their parents but I only got one and I can't imagine how's Ibu spends her time. Good thing she's still working and good thing Iris and Sano are still back home, I truly hope that somehow they could replace us in that home, maybe not entirely but at least a little. God, I truly hope they are enough to at least ease her loneliness. Of course, she never said anything about being lonely and she always say she's fine but I know how lonely it could get when you're on your own and it's not a great feeling.

I'm happy being able to study in Japan, experience new things, living in a different cultures but there's not a day that I hope that I'm in Malaysia instead, by my mother's side. It tears me inside, I'm living my dream, I'm happy for that but at the same time I hope that I'm not living my dream and instead just stay back home.

There's Skype, there's the phone, there's the Net but nothing can compare to the feeling of actually being there, back in home. The smell of my own home, the familiar framed pictures on the wall, the dusty closet in the bedroom, the unorganized books, the way my body instantly relaxed when I got through the door and just about everything in the house I called home. And there's the people in it. Our family might seemed weird and queer to others but damn it, I love my family and I couldn't and wouldn't wish for any other. We might be chatty, we might talk and laugh loudly, we might seemed weird but God, I love my family. We're close, we make fun of each others, we laugh at each other, we argue and quarrel, we bullied each other, we talk while eating, we never go anywhere without each other, we're WEIRD but I love every bits of it. And I love my mother, more than anything in this world. And it kills me not being able to be with her by her side. I cannot wait for my studies to be over and head back home.

In case you're wondering, yes, I am homesick.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Dear Enemy

As some might already know, Dear Enemy is the sequel to Daddy Long Legs, both novels by the brilliant Jean Webster. My interest in classic literature featuring intelligent and independent women started after I start reading Jane Austen’s novels. Then I pried for more novels with the same theme and found Daddy Long Legs. I read it last summer and loved it very much. And I think it was a very original idea to build a story just based on letters, one sided letters; it satisfies us enough but still keeps us wondering what exactly happened.






I found out later that there is a sequel to Daddy Long Legs; Dear Enemy but the book is not in our library. The title alone sparked interest in me since I assumed the story is still about Judy and wondered what happened between her and Jervis that made them enemies. Of course I just had to find out  found a great website that have free ebooks. And the first one I looked for was Dear Enemy and they have it. Yay!!!

I read it and finished it in one night. Now I know what the novel is all about. It was diffrent from what I had expected but I was satisfied. Even when the novel was about a new character, Sallie McBride, after finishing reading it, I was left with the same warm, fuzzy, giddy, content feeling inside me; the very same feeling I had when I finished Daddy Long Legs. But this time, it was somewhat more, satisfying. And I have to say I like Dear Enemy better than Daddy Long Legs for some reasons.


First, I can relate more to Sallie than Judy since my own personality is more like Sallie than Judy. Unlike Judy who was more strong willed and mild tempered, I’m more like Sallie who might not be as strong willed but can be so if she had her heart set on something and with her short temper.

 
Second, Dear Enemy involved more complicated emotions regarding the evolution of hatred/dislike to love/concern unlike Daddy Long Legs that involved emotions from something unknown; probably curiosity into love. And the emotions in Dear Enemy are so much deeper and so much darker. Maybe because Sallie was very honest with her feelings inside her letters since she was confiding her best friend.


Third, I personally like Sandy a.k.a Robin McRae (I REALLY like the doctor's nickname) than Jervis and it’s truly a personal preference. Jervis is a good man but I prefer Sandy. Who could resist an enigmatic man who is actually wounded and battered by his harsh past?


Fourth, I laughed so much more when I read Dear Enemy. Sally can be very funny with her blunt and witty words but with her heart in the right place; it’s just impossible not to love her and enjoy the bickering and misunderstandings she had with the gloom doctor.



Fifth, Dear Enemy addressed the matter of marriage so much more seriously than Daddy Long Legs. Maybe because the setting was after the women graduated from college but it was so much more realistic. Judy married Jervis and they lived happily without problems while Sally had to struggle with the asylum, the children and her own family and future.


The biggest reason is probably because I personally long for the kind of relationship such as Sally and Sandy since I am quite the person with my own charm; i.e sarcasm and bluntness. So I guess I would appreciate someone that wouldn’t affected (much) by those and is able to see beyond those.Hope I can find my own 'Dear Enemy' one day~~~ 


I’ve gathered some classic novels and I will be spending my winter holiday going through them. I haven’t decided yet what I wanted to read first but I have a few titles in mind.


p/s : Oh, John Anderson, my jo!!!!!


p/s2: And there’s nothing wrong with reading classic literature for fun!



Saturday, December 18, 2010

Lessons I've Learnt From 'How To Train Your Dragon'



*Warning: Rambling. Read at your own risk*
*Warning: Spoilers for the movie*

I've watched 'How To Train Your Dragon' last summer but it was blury and all so it didn't get to me as much as yesterday when I watched it in high quality, in the comforting solitude of my dark room and my trusted laptop. Needless to say, the movie blew me away (for the second time). How cute is Toothless? And how funny is Hiccup with his sarcastic and witty remark? Love them! And of course since I'm a fan of Gerard Butler, I just love his voice as Stoick, Hiccup's father. Lo....ve it~~

Anywho, the lesssons I have learnt from this movie is not exactly about dragons and viking but more like about relationships between people.  I know the movie title is ‘How To Train Your Dragon’ not ‘How To Be In A Relationship’ but watching this movie reminds me that the relationships featured in the movies is very much like relationships in our daily life, if you watch really closely. So, let me break my opinion down for you.. 

Ok, picture yourself as Hiccup and Toothless as someone new in your life, someone you just met and started to get acquianted. When Hiccup met Toothless, he was so afraid of it and so did Toothless; of the unknown. But they learnt that they both shared the same curiosity and interest to know each other. Same goes when we meet a new person. We're practically started with being strangers and we gradually started to know each other despite being scared/afraid/nervous/unsure when we first meet them.


Then Hiccup and Toothless get along, not really well at first. But with effort from both sides, they managed to know what the other like or hate. Like the time Toothless drew lines on the ground and Hiccup stepped on his drawing and Toothless snarled. It’s the same application with relationship. We will step on someone’s boundaries or tick them off by doing something that they don’t like/hate. Then Hiccup realized why Toothless was snarling and he realized the reason why Toothless was so upset. Same goes with relationships; we learnt from our mistakes and learnt new things. Then Hiccup learnt more about Toothless, what he likes and what he hates and what made him angry and what made him purr. Same goes in real life.



Then Hiccup realized that Toothless is not perfect, he lost half his wing tail. And Hiccup tried to filling up the gaps with his handmade wing. After that, it took them quite some time out of trial and error to figure out how to make things work. In real life, we will find out our partner new friend/partner/acquinatance/bf/gf/etc is not perfect and will be with flaws, lots of them. And we will do the right thing by accepting it and try to fill the gaps. And the both of uswill try and try and try again until we get it right to make things work. Note that I use the word ‘fill up’ and not ‘fix’ with Hiccup and Toothless. Same goes for us, we can’t fix our partner and etc to be the way we want them to be, we can only fill what was missing and it won’t be as good but it will work, with both our efforts. Just like Hiccup and Toothless.






Then when the people around them found out about Toothless and Hiccup, we can learn a few things based on their reactions. In this case, Astrid found out. Let’s say Astrid is someone quite important in our life, say a good friend. When the good friend found out that the two of you are getting closer, they would start going protective over you or worst, jealousy. And we will feel torn apart between our partner (from now on, let's refer to this new person in our life as our partner) and our friend; that is normal. Like Hiccup with Toothless and Astrid. Bear in mind, our partner and friend will most probably start off with the wrong feet and will probably hate each other for some time. But then the friend and our partner will learn about each other; just like they did with us and they will see what we see. Just like how Astrid saw how Toothless is not so bad and vice versa.


Then, came in the family. In the movie, the family is Hiccup’s father, Stoick. He was very protective of Hiccup from Toothless since he has a prejudice and doubt and distrust towards Toothless. The same goes in our family. Our father @ mother @ siblings @ all of the above will dislike our partner when they meet them for the first time especially when they are not quite ready for the ‘meeting’. Especially a surprise one, like in the movie and seeing us covering/protecting/ backing up our partner is just going to spark the prejudice/doubt/ distrust to a whole new level a.k.a infinity.




In the movie, Stoick took Toothless away from Hiccup. In real life, our family will take us away from our partner or drive them away or at least try to do so. But Hiccup loves Toothless so he went after him. If we really love our partner, we will do the same once we realize that you really need and love your partner and they are worth the trouble. 




So Hiccup went after Toothless. They fought the Giant Dragon and managed to defeat him. Of course in real life there are no giant dragons, or dragons for that matter but let’s think of the giant dragon as a trouble/problem/barrier/issue in life that we both have to face as a couple (or as friends etc). And if we work together with our partner like Hiccup and Toothless, we will get over it. In the movie, Toothless lost half a wing tail and Hiccup lost one of his feet. In real life, we might not lose a body part (well, depending on the situation anyway), but there will be some lost too; emotionally or mentally. But just like Toothless and Hiccups who accept each other’s flaws and helps each other with their problem and just being there while their partner needs them, so do you, we, everyone in relationships. And if we could do so, then we will have an ending like the movie; happy.


But then again, like isn’t the movie and the ending is only THE ENDING so before the end, we might have to repeat the process in the movie a few times, maybe more for some people. But we will learn in time. And with experience, we will be quicker the next time. So, of course you and me are not Hiccup and our partner is not a dragon, but as different as Hiccup, a boy and Toothless, a dragon, so aren’t we, right? Conclusion, people in new relationships ARE like Hiccups and Toothless but we can work it out; with efforts, patience and love.


p/s: I started writing with using 'you' as in adressing the public and not myself but when I think of it, I am in the same situation so I changed into 'we' as in including myself in this whole situation.

p/s2: I would like to read the book to know how the story is told in words. It's just so much diffrent seeing a story formed in words and in images.


Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Tea Person @ Coffee Person



   Some people like a cup of coffee in the morning to start of the day; coffee person while some like a cup of tea; tea person. I’m a tea person… I prefer a cup of tea to start off my morning; just a plain not too sweet cup of tea. I rarely drink coffee.. Unless when I need the caffeine; the only reason I drink coffee. As much as I hate to admit it, coffee can provide caffeine more than tea. Caffeine is like a stimulant, some kind of drug to my body; up and high when it’s inside. I drink coffee when I need to stay up and alert at night, or get through a morning after going through the whole night with no sleep. Usually the effect of the caffeine would last around 6 to 7 hours. One cup of coffee in the morning and I would be super active and super bright and super cheery; none of the person I should be in the morning because I’m not a morning person. (It’s my daily routine in the morning to wonder how people could be so up and cheery in the morning; with all the bright smiles and excited greetings. It never failed to amaze me and made me grunt grudgingly but that’s for another time.) And when the caffeine had worn off around afternoon, you would find me in a corner like someone who’s having a hangover. I never had any hangover for I don’t drink but I think it’s almost the same from the way from 1) no loud noises 2) no noises at all 3) no bright lights or anything that will stimulate the neurons in your brain or any of your senses. The aftereffect of the caffeine had been and will always be terrible but there are times that I just need it to get through the day. Ergo, it's natural that caffeine intake increases during exam weeks and near deadlines. That’s why I prefer less stimulating and comforting tea for normal days. Tea agrees amiably with my body and even if coffee makes me a highly productive person, I just don’t like it. I’m not a very productive person, I take everything according to my pace and my time and the way caffeine make me wanting everything done at that very time is so not me; because I’m not a coffee person, I’m a tea person. I’m writing this because I was studying through the night and drinking coffee to keep me up. Now I need sleep.....