If you were to choose from seeing, knowing the ugly truth or the beautiful lies; which would you choose? Of course most would say the truth since it's the truth. But are you strong enough, can't you really accept the truth for as long as I'm concerned, the truth ain't beautiful; it's ugly. Sometimes so ugly that you wish you didn't know. But if you were to choose the beautiful lies, of course everything would be peachy and cherry but you'd be living in ignorance; not knowing better. But you won't get hurt because everything is all nice and kind to you. Ignorance is bliss. So, which one would you rather have is the real question...
I used to think that knowing the ugly truth is important but sometimes it doesn't hurt to be lost in the beautiful lies. But recently, after some certain incident ( I would rather not say) I think I've kinda change what I think about this whole think. The so called incident; I was so happy and all peachy about the beautiful lies and damn, I was happy. But then I knew the ugly truth and it just ripped everything out; it was mind blowing. And I was left with shock and I refused to believe but then when the realization sank; everything made sense. And that was when the beautiful lies unfolded itself into the ugly truth.
I felt betrayed and for those who know me well, I can tolerate almost anything but BETRAYAL. Betray me and God know I could never look at that person's face again. Instead of hating them; I feel nothing towards them. After all the opposite of love is not hatred; but indifference. I've been betrayed a lot and I've hurt a lot. And just when I thought I know how to see through lies; I was informed that I'm not. Fine, I learn from my mistakes.
So what if you've seen the ugly truth and you don't like it? You'll learn to accept it even you hate it, even you can't cope with it; you'll learn to just accept it for it's the truth no matter how much you try to deny. And I've realized that you should be grateful that you've seen the ugly truth; for now you've known albeit you don't like it. Let's think of a person as an example. There's this person who's so nice and kind to you that made you feel they really care, that made you feel appreciated. And there's this person who most of the time is annoying and almost a jerk but nice and kind when you really need it (which is very rare). This is the simplest example of the beautiful lies and the ugly truth. Which would you rather pick? If you were actually to be with this person.
Turned out, the nice person is the beautiful lies (duh?) and the jerk is the ugly truth. But if you don't know that the nice person is really a jerk, a pretender, you wouldn't see through the lies and you will keep thinking that the pretender is nicer than the sorta kind jerk. But when you knew that the person was really a pretender, you would so appreciated the jerk for being the sorta kind jerk because you know that's the real them; that's the ugly truth though you don't like it, it's the damn whole truth.
I thought people could change for the better for someone. It's hard but if you put your mind to it, it can be done. But now I've realized; people can BARELY change who they are because that's the truth, ugly as it is. And if a person really cares for you, they won't expect you to change for the better, they won't ask you to be someone else. Instead they would accept you for who you are, regardless how the ugly the truth is.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Falling Leaves of Autumn
It's been quite a while since it's started getting cold and the leaves turning yellow and orange. Autumn is here to stay. I like autumn because it's cool and everything seemed so calm and moving at a very relaxing pace. You could just look around and noticed the difference. Here's some pictures of 'my' autumn here in Japan.
With Fyqa n Nurul
With Fyqa near a Christmas Tree
Nurul took this picture.. Notice the tree behind; it's all about 'Autumn'
Mimie, Chong and Me at Daisenji~~
Autumn in My Heart
On the way to school.. Near the baseball ground..
Friday, November 27, 2009
~~Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha~~
I would like to start by wishing Happy Hari Raya Aidiladha to all Muslims... And I really hope everyone is having a nice time with their family and friends. Because I'm not really be able to do so today.
For one, today is school as usual in Japan and I don't think Japanese even know about this particular event. So, it's just like a normal Friday to them and sadly for us too. We wake up and then go to school. Just like any other day. Maybe we should celebrate during weekend but we don't have the time and the energy. Mid semester exam starts next week and I don't anyone have the mood to cook anything special. But we're still lucky cause some people were actually having their exam today.
I haven't got any class until noon because it's research time until 2. But my sensei (professor) went to Kyoto University for some research thingy and the next step in my research need him; so well, I had nothing to do. I did nothing much; did my reports and copy some notes. Then I went to class. So, again; everything is normal here. Just like any other day... Noting special. When I called my Mom later, she told me how they celebrated. They ate ketupat and rendang and everything delicious!!!! I ate Nestum for breakfast, instant noodle for lunch and leftover tomyam from yesterday for dinner. Huhuhu.. I want to go back~~
For one, today is school as usual in Japan and I don't think Japanese even know about this particular event. So, it's just like a normal Friday to them and sadly for us too. We wake up and then go to school. Just like any other day. Maybe we should celebrate during weekend but we don't have the time and the energy. Mid semester exam starts next week and I don't anyone have the mood to cook anything special. But we're still lucky cause some people were actually having their exam today.
I haven't got any class until noon because it's research time until 2. But my sensei (professor) went to Kyoto University for some research thingy and the next step in my research need him; so well, I had nothing to do. I did nothing much; did my reports and copy some notes. Then I went to class. So, again; everything is normal here. Just like any other day... Noting special. When I called my Mom later, she told me how they celebrated. They ate ketupat and rendang and everything delicious!!!! I ate Nestum for breakfast, instant noodle for lunch and leftover tomyam from yesterday for dinner. Huhuhu.. I want to go back~~
Thursday, November 26, 2009
~~The Three Musketeers~~
Yes, when I said 'The Three Musketeer', I mean Da 'The Three Musketeer', Da Classic by Alexandre Dumas. Believe it or not, I haven't read it until recently (to be precise I finished yesterday), so I've decided to say a thing ot two about this piece and maybe some would be interested enough to pick up this book. Three word: I LOVE IT!!!! This post is more likely 'a book review' so feel free to read if you're interested in books and novels.
Yes, it's classic. Yes, some people might think it's boring and honestly I too felt the same until recently. There's a few 'incident' that led me to actually read the book. First was the movie 'Slumdog Millionaire'. If you've watched the movie, then you would understand. The last question for the hero to be a millionaire was the name of the third musketeer. I didn't know and it was killing me. Then I found out that the names of the musketeers was Athos, Porthos and Aramis. That satisfied me for a while. The second incident was when I watch the movie 'The Ugly Truth' (truth be told; the movie is ugly and REALLy dirty). The name of Katherine Heigl's cat was d'Artagnan. Somehow that name ring a bell but I couldn't immediately remember. Then I found out it was the name of one of the main characters in The Three Musketeer. So, now I've known. The third incident was the ultimate knock-out. It was when I watched purely by chance a new piece from Mitani Kouki ( a famous script/screen writer in Japan). It's a wooden puppet drama title 'Neo-The Three Musketeer' (新三銃士). Some might think it's a little childish, (yeah puppets) but it's a very nice show. The puppets seemed real and filled with emotions. I really like it. But since the tittle is 'Neo' so there must be some changes and being someone who cannot bear not knowing; I decided to read the original novel.
Luckily our college library is filled with classic english novels. Not the recent or modern novels but all classic. And I found the novel in no time. So I began reading it between classes and I finished it in two days (4 hours exactly). Of course it was boring at first and the words and metaphors sometimes just lost you but when you've got used to the literature of it; it's a very enjoyable journey. And it's filled with suspense with all the conspiracy, the battle of witting and outwitted, and the fighting and you can't help feeling like you've become one of them; being there and just watch how things unfolded. And the story is told from a third point of view; like a narrator telling the story to us and I enjoyed it very much since most nowadays novels are usually from either a first or second person point of view. And it's really a satisfying experience; you can't never read what will be coming. And there are brilliant jokes and sarcasm with I found very charming. There were few times when I laughed out loud in the silent library and everyone looked at me with 'what's up with her' look. This novel gave me an insight to the life of people at that time and there are a few 'customs' I, probably we who live in current times couldn't understand. One of them is how they easily engaged in a battle (of swords of course) and literally fight to the death. You wonder how easy people were killed at that time all in name of honour (of them and the women they loved etc). And the second one was how easily they engaged in an affair. Yes, love affairs with married women. It was very refreshing; an age much diffrent to what we're living currently.
Of course, there will always be an ending to all novels and that is the saddest part for me. Finished reading a novel give you satisfaction but a bit of loneliness at the same time; now that you've known, now that everything had end, there's nothing to do. The suspense from not knowing and the excitement to know more finally come to the end with the end of the novel. Also that can be done is to find more excitement and satisfaction in another novels. And sadly, the end did come for this brilliant work of art. It was a little sad when I read the last few pages. Of course the ending concluded what happened to our musketeers and how they lived their life after all the adventures. It was a indeed a sad separation with the characters.
But then I found out Alexandre Dumas did wrote a few other novels about the main character, d'Artagnan and I would really like to read them. But of course our library doesn't have them and I might have to buy it on my own which I might do. Not now, maybe later because it's quite expensive here in Japan. In case you still haven't notice, I LOVE to read. Novels, story books, whatever but definately NOT the textbooks used during classes. Finding; encountering a book is like a meeting destined by fate; you will definately change after reading a book. No matter how small and insignifacant the changes may seem; you WILL change. Your world will seem bigger or perhaps smaller and somewhat different from before. And that feeling is vey addictive. At least to me. What kind of book will I read next? Is it a chick lit or a serious drama or a thriller or an adventure or a sci-fi?? Can't wait to meet my next book~~
Yes, it's classic. Yes, some people might think it's boring and honestly I too felt the same until recently. There's a few 'incident' that led me to actually read the book. First was the movie 'Slumdog Millionaire'. If you've watched the movie, then you would understand. The last question for the hero to be a millionaire was the name of the third musketeer. I didn't know and it was killing me. Then I found out that the names of the musketeers was Athos, Porthos and Aramis. That satisfied me for a while. The second incident was when I watch the movie 'The Ugly Truth' (truth be told; the movie is ugly and REALLy dirty). The name of Katherine Heigl's cat was d'Artagnan. Somehow that name ring a bell but I couldn't immediately remember. Then I found out it was the name of one of the main characters in The Three Musketeer. So, now I've known. The third incident was the ultimate knock-out. It was when I watched purely by chance a new piece from Mitani Kouki ( a famous script/screen writer in Japan). It's a wooden puppet drama title 'Neo-The Three Musketeer' (新三銃士). Some might think it's a little childish, (yeah puppets) but it's a very nice show. The puppets seemed real and filled with emotions. I really like it. But since the tittle is 'Neo' so there must be some changes and being someone who cannot bear not knowing; I decided to read the original novel.
Luckily our college library is filled with classic english novels. Not the recent or modern novels but all classic. And I found the novel in no time. So I began reading it between classes and I finished it in two days (4 hours exactly). Of course it was boring at first and the words and metaphors sometimes just lost you but when you've got used to the literature of it; it's a very enjoyable journey. And it's filled with suspense with all the conspiracy, the battle of witting and outwitted, and the fighting and you can't help feeling like you've become one of them; being there and just watch how things unfolded. And the story is told from a third point of view; like a narrator telling the story to us and I enjoyed it very much since most nowadays novels are usually from either a first or second person point of view. And it's really a satisfying experience; you can't never read what will be coming. And there are brilliant jokes and sarcasm with I found very charming. There were few times when I laughed out loud in the silent library and everyone looked at me with 'what's up with her' look. This novel gave me an insight to the life of people at that time and there are a few 'customs' I, probably we who live in current times couldn't understand. One of them is how they easily engaged in a battle (of swords of course) and literally fight to the death. You wonder how easy people were killed at that time all in name of honour (of them and the women they loved etc). And the second one was how easily they engaged in an affair. Yes, love affairs with married women. It was very refreshing; an age much diffrent to what we're living currently.
Of course, there will always be an ending to all novels and that is the saddest part for me. Finished reading a novel give you satisfaction but a bit of loneliness at the same time; now that you've known, now that everything had end, there's nothing to do. The suspense from not knowing and the excitement to know more finally come to the end with the end of the novel. Also that can be done is to find more excitement and satisfaction in another novels. And sadly, the end did come for this brilliant work of art. It was a little sad when I read the last few pages. Of course the ending concluded what happened to our musketeers and how they lived their life after all the adventures. It was a indeed a sad separation with the characters.
But then I found out Alexandre Dumas did wrote a few other novels about the main character, d'Artagnan and I would really like to read them. But of course our library doesn't have them and I might have to buy it on my own which I might do. Not now, maybe later because it's quite expensive here in Japan. In case you still haven't notice, I LOVE to read. Novels, story books, whatever but definately NOT the textbooks used during classes. Finding; encountering a book is like a meeting destined by fate; you will definately change after reading a book. No matter how small and insignifacant the changes may seem; you WILL change. Your world will seem bigger or perhaps smaller and somewhat different from before. And that feeling is vey addictive. At least to me. What kind of book will I read next? Is it a chick lit or a serious drama or a thriller or an adventure or a sci-fi?? Can't wait to meet my next book~~
Monday, November 23, 2009
2012 and 31
Yesterday me, Mimie and our juniro Chong went to Saty. We were on a mission to watch the new movie; 2012. We heard high credit about this movie so we decided to watch it. We went out at about 9.30 and reached there around 10. The movie started at 10. After buying popcorns and drinks (must have), we entered the screen and watched it. I LOVE it!!! It was full with thrill and suspense and a lot of sad scenes and some brilliant jokes. I cried most of the time; it was very touching and impressive. The CG was first class and everything seem so real that you could actually imagine how scary it will be if such thing really happened. The three of us were very satisfied with the movie.
After watching the movie, we gave ourself a treat from 31. (Here in Japan, Baskin Robin is called 31). I ordered Double Sundae; Chocolate and Caramel Ribbon with Chocolate Topping. God, I LOVE chocolate!!!! And the combination with Caramel Ribbon is NICE~~ After walking around anf bought some stuff, we went back. It was a very nice day out; the COMPANY is nice, the MOVIE was satisfiying, the TREAT was delicious; it was PERFECT!! A short get away before facing the 'sure to be hell' exam week starting next week. -_-
After watching the movie, we gave ourself a treat from 31. (Here in Japan, Baskin Robin is called 31). I ordered Double Sundae; Chocolate and Caramel Ribbon with Chocolate Topping. God, I LOVE chocolate!!!! And the combination with Caramel Ribbon is NICE~~ After walking around anf bought some stuff, we went back. It was a very nice day out; the COMPANY is nice, the MOVIE was satisfiying, the TREAT was delicious; it was PERFECT!! A short get away before facing the 'sure to be hell' exam week starting next week. -_-
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Rambling~
I have a few things I like to ramble today. Read at your own risk...
1) Sesame Street
You must like what? Yes, Sesame Street. I think everyone know what Sesame Street is. For people who doesn't know, Sesame Street is a television programme for kids; using muppets as the main characters. I literally grew up watching Sesame Street and I even watch it up until certain age. (let that be a secret=)) Long story short, while I was browsing the Net at my lab (I was bored, ok?) I came across Sesame Street Top 10 Best Scene. I watched it and it just brings back memories. I LOVE Cookie Monster and I DON'T understand why people like Elmo so much. I also like Ernie and Bert and I STILL think Big Bird is kinda scary. Some thing doesn't change~~
2)Incapability To R&R (Realize and React)
I know I'm complicated; I don't even understand myself. But I don't ask people to understand me, I just want people to show that they care, once in a while is enough. And I become very frustrated when people act like nothing had happened; like nothing matters. Argh!!! Guys (yes, I'm talking about guys if you haven't notice..) and their insensitivity!!!! Just drive me crazy!! How could you act like nothing happened when the biggest thing in history just happened in front of your eyes???!!!! COME UP! WAKE UP!!! REALIZE AND REACT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I needed that~~
3) Love Test
My sister told me about a Love Test on Facebook. I tried it and it was very interesting. The questions doesn't seem related with the result but when you think carefully, they do have some significance.
My result;
a) You don't easily fall in love----> I don't? I think I do.....
b) You give 0% but expect 100%------> NO!!!!!! I expect a lot, yes but I don't mind giving too
c) You like to avoid problems -----> BINGO! I like running till I can't run anymore from probs
d) You like to see him(bf) a lot------> Hell yeah! Isn't everyone?
e) You expect him to change for you-----> Now that you mention it... hmmm... probably?
f) You stay in love for a long time------> Yes, my weakness. I can't forget that person unless I don't TALK, SEE and HEAR about them. Twisted? Yes, I know...
4) Autumn
It's autumn in Japan, in Matsue but lately it's been very cold. And there's no comfortable, warm place to run to. During summer, the best place is our lab because it's so cool and nice. But now, it's still cool which is not suitable with the current season. But my lab member, Momi taught me a nice trick. The trick is to open the blind and let an appropriate amount of sunshine in, and just sat inside the pool of sunshine (ひだまり). And boy, it feels good; the warmth is just nice~~ Both of us sat there for quite some time (on the floor) until someone told us we were like cats; bathing in the warm sunshine. I don't hate cats, in fact I LOVE them (SANO!!!! BABY!!!!!) Now I understand the feeling to just lie down and bath the warm sunshine. It feels so good I'm going to do it again tomorrow =D
1) Sesame Street
You must like what? Yes, Sesame Street. I think everyone know what Sesame Street is. For people who doesn't know, Sesame Street is a television programme for kids; using muppets as the main characters. I literally grew up watching Sesame Street and I even watch it up until certain age. (let that be a secret=)) Long story short, while I was browsing the Net at my lab (I was bored, ok?) I came across Sesame Street Top 10 Best Scene. I watched it and it just brings back memories. I LOVE Cookie Monster and I DON'T understand why people like Elmo so much. I also like Ernie and Bert and I STILL think Big Bird is kinda scary. Some thing doesn't change~~
2)Incapability To R&R (Realize and React)
I know I'm complicated; I don't even understand myself. But I don't ask people to understand me, I just want people to show that they care, once in a while is enough. And I become very frustrated when people act like nothing had happened; like nothing matters. Argh!!! Guys (yes, I'm talking about guys if you haven't notice..) and their insensitivity!!!! Just drive me crazy!! How could you act like nothing happened when the biggest thing in history just happened in front of your eyes???!!!! COME UP! WAKE UP!!! REALIZE AND REACT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, I needed that~~
3) Love Test
My sister told me about a Love Test on Facebook. I tried it and it was very interesting. The questions doesn't seem related with the result but when you think carefully, they do have some significance.
My result;
a) You don't easily fall in love----> I don't? I think I do.....
b) You give 0% but expect 100%------> NO!!!!!! I expect a lot, yes but I don't mind giving too
c) You like to avoid problems -----> BINGO! I like running till I can't run anymore from probs
d) You like to see him(bf) a lot------> Hell yeah! Isn't everyone?
e) You expect him to change for you-----> Now that you mention it... hmmm... probably?
f) You stay in love for a long time------> Yes, my weakness. I can't forget that person unless I don't TALK, SEE and HEAR about them. Twisted? Yes, I know...
4) Autumn
It's autumn in Japan, in Matsue but lately it's been very cold. And there's no comfortable, warm place to run to. During summer, the best place is our lab because it's so cool and nice. But now, it's still cool which is not suitable with the current season. But my lab member, Momi taught me a nice trick. The trick is to open the blind and let an appropriate amount of sunshine in, and just sat inside the pool of sunshine (ひだまり). And boy, it feels good; the warmth is just nice~~ Both of us sat there for quite some time (on the floor) until someone told us we were like cats; bathing in the warm sunshine. I don't hate cats, in fact I LOVE them (SANO!!!! BABY!!!!!) Now I understand the feeling to just lie down and bath the warm sunshine. It feels so good I'm going to do it again tomorrow =D
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
A Heart Breaking & Mind Wrecking Weekend
The tittle said it all; how I had gone through my weekend. Those close to me might immediately understand why because they know exactly what happened.
On Saturday, we had our foreign students activity; we went to Daisen to watch momiji. It was ok despite a certain annoying person. When we came back, I had to prepare to go to Osaka that night with bus. Ok, fine. I'm tired but I'll live. I'm going to Osaka not to have fun but to take an exam. Ok, fine. I still can go through with it. But then Nina called and tell me something that just made my world fell apart. Her senior; which I had known through her stories from the first time she met him; which I learn to like though I never met him; which I believe with all my heart that he's a very nice person, had died because of an accident. Nina was still in shock so she didn't say much but I cried hard. I cried for his misfortune; I cried for the future he will never see; I cried for his family and friends and mostly I cried because I know how much he meant to Nina; how much his friendship and his kindness meant to Nina.
I cried so much it puzzled me why. I never met this guy, I never even saw his face, all I know about him is stories I heard from Nina; from the first day she met him until the day before he died. Is it just me or it is just normal? I know how it feel to lose someone while the last you saw them was them talking and smiling; being alive. At first it just doesn't make sense. But when the realization sank it; you will cry your heart out; when you realize that they've gone and will NEVER come back again. And I probably cried so hard because I know how it feels; how much it hurts. And he was a very nice person. And when I think about the promises he made; that will NEVER be fufilled, how can I not cry?
Human never learn how to cope with losing; no matter how many time you've gone through it. Losing is never easy; never was. This is hard for me, and I know it's harder for her, but we'll get through this; we will. That is why human forgets; so that the pain will grew numb and slowly forgotten with time. And in this case, nothing can EVER truly heals the pain but time will heal the pain; it will make the pain bearable; and eventually it will help us move on.
If you still remember, yes, after hearing the news, I got on my bus to Osaka, alone. I realized that was the kinda of time when you really want and need someone by your side; just to be there and just to listen to you cry or just listen to your silence. And I did have someone. He wasn't by my side but he stayed with me as long as I wanted. I did called someone before I went out but it was a mistake; now I've realized. But as I sat at the station alone; surrounded by strangers who know nothing about me and my sadness; he called. God knows how grateful I was to be able to just talk to someone; to just cry to someone who care. Thank you for being there for me. You're a true friend; a savior; I can't imagine my life without you~~
In loving memories of Okamoto Kazutoshi (岡本和敏）Though I never met you and never will, I've come to know you as a nice and kind person; a person who was able to light another's day. Someone said a person's value is judged by the tears people cried for them when they died. I don't know how many cried for you, but I know that a perfect stranger had shed tears for your lost; you value that much. Your kindness and memories will never be forgoten; they shall live forever in our memory.
On Saturday, we had our foreign students activity; we went to Daisen to watch momiji. It was ok despite a certain annoying person. When we came back, I had to prepare to go to Osaka that night with bus. Ok, fine. I'm tired but I'll live. I'm going to Osaka not to have fun but to take an exam. Ok, fine. I still can go through with it. But then Nina called and tell me something that just made my world fell apart. Her senior; which I had known through her stories from the first time she met him; which I learn to like though I never met him; which I believe with all my heart that he's a very nice person, had died because of an accident. Nina was still in shock so she didn't say much but I cried hard. I cried for his misfortune; I cried for the future he will never see; I cried for his family and friends and mostly I cried because I know how much he meant to Nina; how much his friendship and his kindness meant to Nina.
I cried so much it puzzled me why. I never met this guy, I never even saw his face, all I know about him is stories I heard from Nina; from the first day she met him until the day before he died. Is it just me or it is just normal? I know how it feel to lose someone while the last you saw them was them talking and smiling; being alive. At first it just doesn't make sense. But when the realization sank it; you will cry your heart out; when you realize that they've gone and will NEVER come back again. And I probably cried so hard because I know how it feels; how much it hurts. And he was a very nice person. And when I think about the promises he made; that will NEVER be fufilled, how can I not cry?
Human never learn how to cope with losing; no matter how many time you've gone through it. Losing is never easy; never was. This is hard for me, and I know it's harder for her, but we'll get through this; we will. That is why human forgets; so that the pain will grew numb and slowly forgotten with time. And in this case, nothing can EVER truly heals the pain but time will heal the pain; it will make the pain bearable; and eventually it will help us move on.
If you still remember, yes, after hearing the news, I got on my bus to Osaka, alone. I realized that was the kinda of time when you really want and need someone by your side; just to be there and just to listen to you cry or just listen to your silence. And I did have someone. He wasn't by my side but he stayed with me as long as I wanted. I did called someone before I went out but it was a mistake; now I've realized. But as I sat at the station alone; surrounded by strangers who know nothing about me and my sadness; he called. God knows how grateful I was to be able to just talk to someone; to just cry to someone who care. Thank you for being there for me. You're a true friend; a savior; I can't imagine my life without you~~
In loving memories of Okamoto Kazutoshi (岡本和敏）Though I never met you and never will, I've come to know you as a nice and kind person; a person who was able to light another's day. Someone said a person's value is judged by the tears people cried for them when they died. I don't know how many cried for you, but I know that a perfect stranger had shed tears for your lost; you value that much. Your kindness and memories will never be forgoten; they shall live forever in our memory.
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